People Mag Recap: Cramming 144 Pages into 1 Post

My trick for this Friday is thumbing through the October 20, 2008 issue of People Magazine. Let’s see if I can cram 144 pages of wonderfully entertaining, yet useless gossip, into one blog post. Betcha I can…

Cover: Nicole Ritchie looks like a 12-year-old hippie. Harlow is a cutie-pie. Cheryl Burke IS NOT fat. Seriously, she’s gorgeous. But I find it odd that her exclusive, “Dancing’s Cheryl Fights Back – Do You Really Think I’m Fat?” is located right under “Wow! Angelina’s Body (& New Tattoos!) After Babies.” So we’re trying to end the obsession with skinny while promoting being skinny? Interesting approach. And by the way, Angelina is skinny because she doesn’t eat. It’s not rocket science.

I’m not shopping at JCPenney, not matter how Polo-looking the ad might be.

Indy’s too old to be back.

Hugh Jackman with gun is yummy. George Clooney with mustache is not.

Victoria Beckham weighs less than the stapler on my desk.

Swedish Fish ad is just plain weird. Is it candy that tastes like fish? Or candy that tastes like cat?

I’m not sure what a Harajuku Girl is, but I don’t think I want to smell like one.

Toby Kebbell is scary.

I’m guessing the PussyCat Dolls sell lots of albums. Or maybe they just have lots of stalkers.

Yes We Can? Really, Obama? Can we?

George Hamilton is so very orange and he says he tans the natural way. I didn’t know sleeping in a tanning bed was natural.

Angelina and Brad…. together…. I’ll let everyone think their own thoughts on this one.

Beth Ostrosky wore a tissue disguised as a stripper costume to her wedding. How romantic.

Suze Orman with a milk mustache? See above about George Clooney with a non-milk mustache…

Paul Newman’s legacy, Hole in the Wall camp, is a great thing.

Wait, Sketchers are still in?

No matter how grown up Rick Schroder may be, he’ll always be “The Ricker” to me.

The best they could come up with for Style Watch is a cropped trench coat? A trench coat. Geez, that’s so creative. I guess if you make it short instead of long that’s news according to the fashion industry.

A dog wearing pearls…not sure what that has to do with Febreze, but whatever.

High School Musical 3 looks nothing like high school. I never got to float around in a pool in an inner tube wearing a cocktail dress. No fair!

Eva Mendez is wearing a killer pair of YSL heels. Mmmm.

The last page, Chatter, is always the best. This week’s deep question is “If you had three wishes, what would the last one be?” Blake Lively is pretty cute with her answer, “To have a hundred more.” Taylor Momsen, whoever that might be, says, “For more time at the beach – I don’t have to do anything with my hair. No styling.” Yea, that makes perfect sense.