Celeb Wardrobe Malfunctions: 5 Ways to End Fiascos

As a woman who appreciates taking risks with fashion, I’d like to make a quick comment about the continual celebrity wardrobe malfunctions involving a voluntary involuntary flash of nipple AKA nip slip AKA shirt and/or dress fail. First of all, I’m not talking about the ones that happen in a bathing suit. I don’t think they count. Wearing a bikini is tricky business, especially if you take a dip in the ocean with fully functioning waves. Or if you have young children.

My son accidentally pulled my bikini top down at the pool once and it took me a few seconds to realize what happened. Had I been a celebrity, that would’ve been TMZ homepage material for sure.  I probably had a scowl on my face and my hair was in a bad ponytail. Had it been captured on film, it would’ve been an “Antarctica sounds like a fun place to live” kind of moment. I’m talking about this….Oh, and why in the world is she squeezing into the dress like it’s a sausage casing. Huh?

I’m talking about non-drunk moments when celebrities other than Pam Anderson, Lady Gaga and Paris Hilton pick out an outfit that costs more than your car, wear it and still suffer from nip slips. This makes zero sense to me.  I think they’re all planned. Shame on you, Milla Jovovich, Janet Jackson, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jessica Simpson, Keira Knightley, Martha Stewart, Oprah, Brett Favre, Anthony Weiner…whew, I’m getting tired.

Seriously, how can you not know your nipple will be or is currently exposed? What celebs and their stylists fail to recognize is there are, in fact, multiple solutions to planned staged dreaded wardrobe malfunctions.

5 Surefire Ways to End Nip Slips:

#1 – Use toupee tape or electrical tape or duct tape. It’s sticky. Really? I don’t think I need to explain tape.

#2 – Stop wearing ill-fitting outfits. If your try on a dress and your boobs are instantly hanging out, the dress does not fit. Don’t buy it. End of story.

#3 – Wear a bra. If you’re going on national television, about to strut your stuff in front of millions of viewers, drop the “I like being natural bit,” get your skinny butt into Victoria Secret and buy a bra. Then, after you purchase it, take it out of the pretty bag and put it on under your outfit. This goes for strapless dresses too, Jessica Simpson.

#4 – Use a safety pin. Wow, this is so genius. I bought a box of safety pins five years ago and it’s still 90% full. One tiny safety pin can do the trick. You can pick a silver one or a gold one if you’re feeling fancy.

#5 – Don’t tweet about it. What’s even worse than seeing Khloe Kardashian’s nipple on a morning show is how much she tweeted about it. See one of her nip slip tweets below. No, they aren’t that special. Trust me.

My apologies to those of you who are reading my blog based on my previous blog post. I know you were expecting something heartfelt and you got this instead. Welcome to my brain. You never know what’s going to spill out.

Images: The Frisky and TMZ

Baby Names

Bad Baby Names: Mutton, Mule, Lard & Brain

Bad Baby Names

It goes without saying, choosing a name for your child can be a difficult task. My husband and I came up with a bunch of great names for our first child, who turned out to be a boy. But when we found out we were having another boy, chaos ensued. It took us eight months to come up with a name for him. (You can read about our baby name adventure in the article, “One-of-a-Kind Baby Names” in Pregnancy Today.)

Like many parents my age, we were slightly obsessed with finding the perfect unique baby name. In our effort to be different, sometimes we make big mistakes. Well, the list of baby names below may make you feel better about yourself. Take a look at actual baby names given to real kiddos living in the United States (according to the US Census):

-Uranus Stukey
-Ghoul Nipple
-Acne Fountain
-Lust T. Castle
-Mary A. Jerk
-Ima Whore
-Mutton Bucker
-Hugh Jass
-Fanny Whiffer
-Tackle Feigenbutz
-Envy Burger
-Bum Snoddy
-Mule E. McCart
-Lard Mooney
-Good Hell
-Emma Royd
-Noble Butt
-Monday Monday
-Naught E. Bishop
-Stud Duck

I’m sure you’re thinking, “Come on, MommyQ. You can’t be serious?” Oh, but I am. And on this note, I would like to add my two cents about an awful baby name, Brain. You see, whenever I mistype the name ‘Brian’ as ‘Brain’ I have a complete laughter meltdown. I’m sure there is a kid out there somewhere who is actually named Brain. And if people ever see his name written down on a list, they always assume it’s a typo and call him ‘Brian.’

“Okay, next up is Brain.”
“Oh no, that’s not his name, That must be a typo.”
“No, it says so right here B-R-A-I-N.”
“Yes, but NOBODY is named Brain, that should be Brian.”

Omg! I have no idea why that cracks me up, but it does. Every time. So, what’s the WORST baby name you’ve ever heard? (Yes, I’m still giggling right now about the Brain thing….)

Pssst: CraftGossip Rocks Halloween

Halloween Bat Mobile

A friend of mine told me about CraftGossip a few months ago, and today it’s one of my all-time favorite websites. From edible crafts to felting to needlework and sewing, this blog is full of unique, creative and fun ways to make everything under the sun. And I mean everything!

Halloween Costume Pumpkin

Just in time for Halloween, CraftGossip is featuring all kinds of awesome ideas for the spookiest time of the year. The Bat Softie Mobile (Sew4Home) is so cute, the Tulle Pumpkin Dress costume (a la Craft Passion) is divine and the Spooky Lollipops are amazing (Ohdeedoh).

Halloween Spooky Spider Lollipops

What’s great about CraftGossip is there are plenty of neat projects you can do with minimal expertise. For people like me, it’s golden. I think it’s eye candy for the soul. I just love the way the main blog is separated into sub-blogs too. You can hone in on your favorite kind of crafty fun and get loads of inspiration. If you start reading the bios for the Craft Gossip editors, you’ll quickly see why it’s so darn cool.

Get even more H’ween ideas by clicking here! Enjoy!

Google Instant: Why Should I Type at all?

More exciting news for all of us Google fanatics, Google Instant. According to Google, this newfangled search tool features “predictive, real-time” search results. Google Instant will save you 2-5 seconds per search. Uhm, maybe I’m totally ridiculous, but I never thought searching was a long process to begin with. That was the whole ease of Google. It was fast.

And what’s with “predictive” searches? Well, it seems this type of search shows you results before you finish typing. In other words, it’s psychic. Great. Now I have someone else telling me what I want. The kids, my husband and my laptop. Super.

I’m not sure why this Google Instant concept is so newsworthy because 2-5 seconds isn’t a big thing to me. If I didn’t have to type at all  – now that would be exciting. It would save my back from the pain of sitting, typing and slouching all day. I wouldn’t have to deal with sticky keyboard keys or pieces of cookies getting lodged under the cracks by the space bar or my missing Alt key. Why not ditch the keyboard all together, Google? Let’s go ahead and take it to the psychic level now. We know you’ve got the technology tucked away in a tin Sucrets box.

I guess you save precious time by not clicking the Enter key? Sure, pick on the poor soon-to-be obsolete Enter key by making it an outcast. I happen to like the Enter key because it does good things. I’m done. I hit Enter. I get closure. Without the Enter, there is no closure and you know how much humans need that. How do I know my search is over? Enter key. How do I know things are in motion? Enter key.

Maybe the next Google announcement will be about psychic searches and they will call it Google World Domination. I would totally read about that.

Win $250 by Voting for the Cutest Fan Outfit!

Dressing up little kids is so much fun, especially for sporting events. Unlike adults, they look really adorable in crazy, bright, bold wacky fan gear. Sorry, I just can’t get over grown men in football jerseys and burly biker dudes in Kasey Kahne shirts.

Anyway, in honor of the M&M’S Most Colorful Fans of NASCAR Contest, you have a chance to win a $250 Visa Gift card by simply picking your favorite kiddo outfit. Celebrate mini fandom and win. It’s that easy! Choose a yellow Kyle Busch outfit for a little girl, a red and white Tony Stewart option for little boys or the sporty Jeff Gordon ensemble for girls (pictured above).

I put together three cute outfits that you can see and if you vote for your favorite by leaving a comment, you have entered to win. Think about how much cool fan gear you can snag with a $250 gift card. Lots and lots. Hop over to Babble and cast your vote today!

Emoticons Make Me Feel Really Old

I always thought I was cool enough to hang with everyone else, even people 10-15 years younger than me. Well, my coolness theory was busted wide open a few weeks ago when I saw a glossary of emoticons online. It’s not the animated emoticons, just the simple text ones you can make with parenthesis and symbols. You know, modern day hieroglyphics. I looked through it and realized I knew two of them, Smiley Face and Wink Face. Seriously? How sad is that?

Read my funny post on Babble, Emoticons for Dummies: Skip the Fail Face and Get Smiley Face!

My impending old age is no longer years and years away. Remember when you were a kid and 30 seemed like grandma status? Well, I’m on the verge of being 10 years older than grandma status.  Does that make me a great grandma? My sad emoticon fail made me wear a Fail Face :& in disgust. Maybe I should just trade in my BlackBerry for a pair of knitting needles and start wearing slippers around the house in 100 degree weather.

What has happened to you recently to make you think your cool days are over?

At Long Last: Rowdy Kyle Busch Drives Kimmy Car

“I want Kyle Busch in a pink car in a pink suit.”

The Toyota Sponsifier “Kimmy” commercial will go down in history as one of the all-time BEST television commercials ever. You might have to be a NASCAR fan to truly appreciate it, but everyone should get a chuckle out of it regardless. What’s better than making the guitar-smashing “Rowdy” Busch wear a pink suit with kitties on his helmet? Well, how about Kyle actually driving that car in real life. Yes, that would be better.

“I love you…no write that on the spoiler.”

Rumor has it that Kyle will be running a special Z-Line / Toyota Sponsafier car in the NASCAR Nationwide race at Richmond International Raceway on Saturday, Sept 10th.  The racecar is nearly identical to the pink car featured in the commercial; covered in kittens, puppies, horses and yes, even the baby seal!

I will be watching and hoping for another record-breaking win. I just wanna see that car in victory lane. How sweet! BTW, you can special order the diecast here.