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How Martial Arts Transformed a Nonverbal Autistic Toddler into a Thriving 9-Year-Old Sensation

Kung Fu StudentWhen he was a happy but nonverbal toddler, our oldest son was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Doctors told us they had no idea if or when he’d become verbal or if he’d ever be social enough to have meaningful relationships. The outlook for his future was unknown and grim. Last year, at the age of 8, he performed a kung fu routine onstage in front of a crowd of 300 people, proving any obstacle can be overcome. This year, he will take the stage again Feb. 27 and dazzle the crowd with a martial arts routine consisting of fan-fighting and staff-fighting techniques with his Sifu (instructor), Robert Roy.

Video of 2014 Practice Session: http://youtu.be/XtnRPP66tVE

We had never thought about getting Steele involved in martial arts until Sam Hicks, the principal at Steele’s school, Lakeway Elementary, told us how much he’d seen other children in Steele’ situation thrive from martial arts. It sounded like a good idea to us, so we did our research and found Robert Roy. During Steele’s very first kung fu lesson, we knew we had found something special.

Kung Fu cropped“Martial arts helped Steele develop both sides of his brain because techniques require students to alternate between left brain and right brain skills, which many autistic children struggle with,” explains Sifu, a twice Hall of Fame inductee as kung fu master who trained in China at the Shaolin Temple. “I worked with Steele weekly and after only a few lessons, I saw dramatic improvements. His physical abilities were improving, his ability to focus was getting stronger and his level of confidence in himself was soaring.”

During the course of his kung fu lessons, we saw Steele transform into a focused, confident and skilled martial-arts student who specialized in staff fighting. In February 2013, he decided to share his martial arts achievements with his community by performing in the annual talent show at his school. The first step was making the audition. The staff at Lakeway Elementary School was extremely supportive and let Steele audition with Sifu. Four more weeks of practice flew by as the talent show quickly approached.

On Feb. 26, 2013, the Lakeway Elementary School gymnasium was packed with more than 300 parents, family members, teachers and friends, all eager for the talent show. I was a nervous wreck! He had never done anything like this in his life and we didn’t know how he’d react to such a huge crowd. When it was time for him to perform, he grabbed the microphone (which was unexpected and unscripted!!!) and asked the crowd, “Are you ready to see it?” The crowd clapped and cheered as Survivor’s “Eye of the Tiger” played and Steele and Sifu performed an exciting martial arts combat routine.

I’ll never forget that moment for as long as I live. I cried from the moment he took the stage, because I was so overwhelmed with joy. Nobody in that crowd understood how every single thing he did was so magical. It was surreal. He didn’t get nervous, he spoke on a microphone from his heart in front of hundreds of people, and his routine was awesome. I still meet people who remember that routine vividly. It’s just amazing. (And they usually say, “Hey, aren’t you that mom who was crying at the talent show?” Yep, that’s me!)

Video of Performance Last Year: http://youtu.be/IIQGf29K5o4

kung fu 2013This year, he’ll be performing again with Sifu and he will be incorporating fan-fighting into the routine. We’re so very proud of him and can’t wait to see him do it again!

Meet Robert Roy (our Sifu!)
Robert Roy, who was trained in China at the Shaolin Temple, has been actively leading the martial arts community in Austin. As owner of Martial Arts Academy, he was active in Crime Stoppers programs, worked with the Austin Police Department’s SWAT Unit, the Department of Public Safety officers and the Parks and Recreation Department in Brazoria County. He is a two-time Hall of Fame inductee as kung fu Master and Living Legend of the Year. He has performed in countless shows and movies featuring martial arts.

He is currently working on a Bully Prevention Certification program designed to supplement anti-bullying campaigns nationwide. He and his wife are also developing an e-book video instructional series for parents and children called “ROOTAGE: Plant the Knowledge.” It will illustrate the hidden techniques and provide a clearer understanding of how ancient martial arts benefits child development.

(Sifu currently teaches throughout the state, but he holds private lessons at World of Tennis in Lakeway.)

Steele LT Football players

Five Years Beyond Autism Diagnosis: High Hopes & Happiness

It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged, thanks to a very intense full-time job. I love it, but it certainly takes up most of my time. Anyway, for those of you that have followed MommyQ, you know I have an autistic son. He was diagnosed at the age of three and now he’s eight years old! Wow! Over the last five years, I’ve talked to so many parents about autism. The one piece of advice I give over and over again is, “Take it one day at a time.”  There’s no need to worry needlessly into the future, because it does nothing for you. Make each day count and be thankful for every milestone. It may sound too simple, but when you’re trying to live in the moment, simple is good.

If you had asked me where my son would be now as far as school, sports, etc, my outlook was originally bleak. Not because I’m a pessimistic person, but because autism is such a mysterious reality. The good news is he’s doing great. (You can see his smiling face in the photo above – he’s in the light blue shirt, posing with our high school football team.) Thanks to a solid support system of friends, family and community, he is thriving.  He learns in a regular classroom with one-on-one help as needed. He reads, writes, does math and enjoys science. He’s faster on a computer or iPhone/iPad than I am. He can play tennis and soccer and swims like a fish. A few months ago, he started Kung Fu and today his skills are impressive, not to mention he uses a staff. It’s like having my own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle! He’s learning a routine for his school’s Talent Show, so I’m very excited for him.

I remember the days when he hardly spoke, couldn’t complete directions, didn’t take interest in the world around him and had minimal physical strength. He existed in his own world and we desperately fought to bring him out of it. Today, he’s a normal kid who loves chocolate cake, hates cauliflower, fights with his little brother and blushes when a female classmate gives him a hug. His perspective of the world will always be different, but different isn’t bad. I’ve learned that a big dose of hope brings happiness. Keep your chin up.

Photo by Michael Gardner

Walk Now for Autism Speaks Austin: Every Step Counts!

This year, the Greater Austin Walk Now for Autism Speaks attracted over 3,356 walkers and raised over $139,000 for autism.  My family joined the fun and together with Michele Utt from MK Events, MommyQ’s team raised over $3,000.

It was surreal to see all of the families like ours unite for such an important organization. Autism Speaks did a wonderful job organizing the event and the sponsors did a great job making the day extra-special. My boys loved the Home Depot workshop where they got to swing hammers to create wooden keepsakes crafts like toolboxes, boats and cars.  My little guy managed to sweet talk a lady working the Home Depot area into giving him the demo Joey Logano car with the pristine paint job. Go figure, right?

I’m already looking forward to next year and brainstorming themes for our big pre-event cocktail party. Drop me a line if you have ideas. A special thanks to Michael Gardner Photography at www.Homeandgardners.com for sharing his wonderful photos with me. His photos are watermarked. The rest are mine. Not as good, but they do have heart!

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My Son is an Elephant: Autism Takes Center Stage

 

autism takes the stage

My tall, skinny son looked rather comical in his worn, gray, jersey-knit bodysuit with his silly elephant nose made out of a dryer tube wrapped in silver electrical tape and a big pillow stuffed down the front of his outfit. He looked goofy and frumpy, which was exactly how he was supposed to look. The room was fully of excited children and glittery outfits – clown suits, ringmaster vests, acrobat leotards and funny props. And my son was a fat, gray elephant. I was very proud.

It was the annual kindergarten performance and I was a nervous wreck. I wasn’t worried about my son goofing up his lines, because he didn’t have any lines. I wasn’t worried about him making a mistake, because at that age, mistakes are pretty darn cute. I was worried about how he would handle the things I couldn’t anticipate. When you have an autistic child, you recognize the situations that may be uncomfortable or overwhelming, and you plan ahead to avoid them. If it’s going to be loud, you pack the soundproof headphones. If it’s going to be crowded, you go early to avoid crowds. The truth is, when you’re dealing with autism you just never know. And in this instance, I knew nothing.

My son and I practiced his little routine at home and I gave him verbal reassurance about the on-stage experience. No matter how much I prepped him, I realized he didn’t fully grasp what I was trying to convey. This is what autism is all about and this why it’s so tricky. The one thing I didn’t want him to experience on-stage was fear. It was impossible for me to imagine how he would process and handle the stage, the lights, the audience and the huge auditorium.

While I was pinning his bulky elephant costume closed, I kept telling him to have fun and not worry if he made a mistake. He smiled and said, “okay, mama!” I gave him a big hug and went to my seat in the second row. To many onlookers, I probably appeared to a normal, nervous, stage mom who secretly yearned for her child to steal the show. The reality of the situation couldn’t have been further from the truth.

The show was adorable and eventually, it was time for his act to perform. I could see the expression on his face as he stepped on-stage to the sea of faces looking back at him. He was scanning the unfamiliar faces for a familiar one – his mommy. As soon as he saw me waving at him, he waved back. I knew he would be fine. And he was. He sailed through his routine without a hitch. I was overcome with happiness, hope and of course, pride. My head was cheering, “He did it! He did it!” and then it happened…

All of the children, about 138 kiddos, gathered on-stage together for one final song. After the first few notes rang out, my son covered his ears and crouched down, putting his elbows on his knees. I panicked. My husband, who was sitting next to me, noticed too. We watched as he stood up and then resumed his position, blocking out his surroundings. It was too much and he was panicking. The lights, the noise, the camera flashes, the people, the stage. “Go help him!” I instinctively said to my husband, practically jumping out of my seat “No,” he said calmly, yet fearfully. “He’s handling it.”

The song seemed to last forever and while all of the other little faces sang happily and parents took tons of pictures, my son’s little face was hidden. It didn’t help that he was standing on the first row, front and center. On the bright side, as soon as the song ended he popped back up and smiled, enjoying the accolades from all of the parents. He didn’t cry, he didn’t run and he didn’t mentally checkout. He survived it in his own way. Yep, he handled it after all. What a star!

Read more about living with autism in my Advocate Mommy section.

 

Image: Mina Laben

Embracing Perspective & Spreading the Word: Celebrating Autism Awareness with iVillage

promoting autism ivillage

Imagine seeing one your favorite, most cherished family pictures on a hugely popular website like iVillage. Smiling faces on us, stoic looks on the kids, big brown eyes shining, cute little hands captured perfectly, beautiful surroundings, sunny days, happy hearts. I remember how the boys were running around barefoot and laughing and how cute, yet cheesy, they looked in their matching outfits. They even listened to all of my pleading prior to the photo shoot by diligently staying out of the dirt.

Now imagine the words “Signs of Autism” and “Real Moms Share” splashed across the top of that special picture.  That means one of those sweet, little, innocent faces is the real face of autism. That means it’s one of your kids, because that’s you smiling right above it. Would that change the way your feel about your child? Your family? Your dreams?

Read Real Moms Share the Earliest Signs of Autism on iVillage.

A few years ago, I’m not sure if I would’ve been excited to see this image. A few years ago, I’m not sure my family would’ve been excited to see this image. Maybe I wouldn’t have been so quick to share it on Facebook and Twitter, or text my husband about it or call my mom about it or blog about it.  A few years ago, we weren’t comfortable with autism. We were skeptical, scared, insecure and unnerved. Today, we know autism isn’t a dirty word at all, it’s simply a new way of looking at the world.

There’s something about autism that reminds me about the way people used to talk about cancer. They’d lower their voices and whisper, “she has cancer.” And the word “cancer” was hardly audible.  Obviously, autism is not killing our friends and family members, but people still whisper about it sometimes. Today, people shout about cancer from the rooftops and that’s exactly what they should be doing. Why? Because talking about something, especially when it’s bad, makes it real. Real things get noticed. Real things get funding. Real things get cured.

I tend to think discussing autism works the same way. Reading this post right now is the definition of “awareness,” a word that gets tossed around so much it’s watered down like a bad margarita on a hot summer day. But awareness is critically important. That’s why I force myself to discuss autism openly, honestly and nonchalantly, even when I don’t feel like it.  The old me would’ve NEVER done this. The mom me who has two beautiful boys and never wants them to be ashamed of autism, well, she’s a talker. She’s an advocate. She’s all about awareness.

Understanding the early signs of autism is so important. Even if you have fears your child might be autistic, doesn’t mean that’s actually the case. There are plenty of sensory, learning and speech delays that don’t warrant an autism diagnosis. Every story is different. And if you do get an autism diagnosis, welcome to the club. You don’t get an actual badge, but you if you did, I’m sure you’d wear it with pride.

Read more about living with autism in ‘Advocate Mommy‘ category of MommyQ.

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Light It Up Blue 2011: Shine a Light on Autism

On the evenings of April 1 and 2, 2011, prominent buildings across North America and the world — including the Empire State Building in New York City and the CN Tower in Toronto, Canada — will turn their lights blue to Raise Awareness for Autism and to commemorate World Autism Awareness Day on Saturday, April 2.

On Friday, April 1st you can wear blue and help spread the word about autism. Feeling adventurous? There are lots of things you can in addition to wearing blue:

•Light your house up blue by putting blue light bulbs in any outdoor fixtures! Home Depot has promised to have them in stock…

•Paint your nails blue!

•Bake blue desserts!

To see other ideas to LIGHT IT UP BLUE visit http://www.lightitupblue.org/ The CDC estimates that an average of 1 in 110 children in the U.S have a form of autism. Help me spread the word for my son and for every child needing extra support to find his/her voice.

Read about my journey with autism:
– Autism Means My Son is Happy When He’s Flappy
– Autism Rides Off Into the Sunset
– Shining Through: Proving Autism Wrong at a NASCAR Race

Image: Autism Speaks

One Mom’s Thoughts: Embracing Autism with Dignity

Claire Danes

If you watched the Golden Globes this past Sunday, did you notice the poignant moment between actress Claire Danes and Temple Grandin? I did. I noticed every single interaction between them. Why? Because I was watching those moments like a hawk. You see, Claire Danes won Best Actress in a Mini-Series for her portrayal of Temple Grandin, one of the most impressive autism advocates on the planet. A woman who happens to be autistic herself.

After Claire won, she and Temple hugged and that one instance brought tears to my eyes. You could see the excitement on Temple’s face. She was happy and she was relating and she was responding. When you know someone autistic, you understand how wonderful it is to see them experiencing simple emotions we all take for granted.

My older son was diagnosed with autism at the age of three. Today he’s a well-adjusted 6-year-old who continues to make progress every day. This is why Claire’s award was so moving to me. Not only was I seeing the amazing progress Temple has made in her own life, but I see the future for my own child.

One of the most compelling things I heard while flipping between the Golden Globes and the season premier of Big Love, was Claire’s acceptance speech. She started off admitting, “It’s a risky movie to make.” The word “risky” resonated in my mind. I can’t say with certainty why she used that term, but I know exactly what she means.

She continued by saying, “I have to thank Temple. She’s still at it, she’s still working with incredible zeal and devotion to illuminate mysteries about autism and animal behavior.” And then Claire used two words I will never forget. She thanked Temple for helping, “millions of lives who have been dignified and improved by your genius.”

Temple Grandin Movie HBO

Hearing those two words used together in a sentence – dignified – genius – to describe someone with autism, was a beautiful thing.  And it’s totally true. If you haven’t see the movie Temple Grandin, you must see it. If you know anyone with autism, it is absolutely imperative. The movie brings autism to light in a way that actually lets you see it. The pictures, the reality, the perceived reality. The unbelievable courage and devotion Temple’s mother exhibited should be an inspiration to every mom, whether you have an autistic child or not.

Plus, the genius of Temple is undeniable. The dignity she has brought to autism is undeniable. While I haven’t won a Golden Globe award and most assuredly never will, I would like to thank Temple too. I would also like to thank Claire for boiling it all down into a brief speech so poetically. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.