What the world needs now is another shopping mall. No? Enter Xanadu, the biggest, most obnoxious commercial real estate project in the country. Yes, for a cool $2.2 billion this eyesore is supposed to be opening this summer. Perfect! It’s opening just in time to close.
In addition to 200 lame retail shops, this mall will feature an indoor ski hill, a 2-story chocolate waterfall, a 36,000 sq ft “city” made of candy and America’s tallest Ferris wheel. It’s nice to know Willy Wonka is alive and evidently loaded and possibly on crack.
First of all, the one thing I always miss when I’m shopping is the ability to ski. Nothing makes me want to put on heavy ski boots and hit the slopes more than shopping for a new bra. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times, “Shopping just isn’t the same without skiing.” They really do go hand-in-hand.
And what about a 2-story chocolate foundation and a little city made of candy? This is the absolute worst thing to happen to chocolate since “dark.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge fan of hot, melty, yummy chocolate. If there’s a chocolate fountain at a wedding, I’m the one standing beside with a big grin and lots of strawberries. But a 2-story waterfall? I’m thinking you won’t be able to eat the chocolate and probably can’t bathe in it – so what’s the point? It just seems like an enormous strain on our most luscious resource. The candy city….ah, yeah, that’s already been done. It’s called CandyLand.
And last but certainly not least, another Ferris wheel. Yes, folks. Nothing make for a lovely shopping experience like swaying a trillion feet in the air in some kind of metal cradle, just hanging out waiting to die. Mmmmm, MommyQ loves me some Ferris wheels.
It’s a 4.8 million-sq-ft “shoppertainment” center, mind you. Seems a wee bit large. Oh, and it’s in New Jersey. The economy just can’t support this ridiculously tacky project and the scaling down is already fully underway. If it ever opens, it will be nothing more than a Payless with a hot dog kiosk and a fake candy cane sitting askew in the lawn.
Read the full story in Business Week here. I heart consumerism and megalomaniacs.