Tag: humor

Countess LuAnn’s Asymmetrical Obsession

Posted on by MommyQ

Is it something we’re all thinking, but nobody is talking about? Does Countess LuAnn from the Real Housewives of New York City need a one-shoulder intervention?

When it comes to trendy clothes, you know a killer asymmetrical dress works wonders.  I happen to love one-shoulder dresses and tops, but LuAnn is demonstrating obsessive behavior when it comes to her spatial relationship with clothes. Pun intended.

Don’t get me wrong, I think LuAnn is quite beautiful with a great body and that cool raspy voice. In my opinion, she is far more striking and naturally pretty than Kelly.  But why so many asymmetric necklines? What is with that?!?

When Ramona made the comment jokingly in all seriousness, “I think your purple dress with the one-shoulder is ridiculous,” I almost fell out of my chair. Yes! Ramona  finally said something intelligent. LuAnn, I love ya babe, but that dress is ridiculous.  I’m not sure if someone she respects in the fashion industry told her it’s a good style for her body type or what, but owning more than 20 one-shoulder dresses is probably a no-no, even for a duchess or a princess or a countess.

Who’s with me? Shall we start making phone calls and schedule this intervention? I’ll bring the Pinot Grigio.

What Kind of Mom Are You: Take the Skittles Quiz

Posted on by MommyQ

Today was one of those days. I had lots of work to do and while I was on an important call with a fabulous Betty, I heard an odd noise. It was a bag of Skittles being dumped on the floor. My son was trying to sneak a few and accidentally poured them out.  My initial reaction was slowed by my second reaction, which was slowed by my third reaction, which leads me to this…The Skittles Quiz….

1. You’re on the phone and your child accidentally dumps a bag of Skittles on the floor. What do you do?

a.) Stop what you’re doing and immediately tend to the mess, throwing the now compromised Skittles in the trash.
b.) Scowl at your child and ignore the mess, knowing it won’t be going anywhere in the next 20 minutes.
c.) Skittles? Why would I ever have them in my home? They contain carbs!?!

2. You’re feeding your cats and you notice a lone Skittle hiding behind the cat’s water bowl. What do you do?

a.) Brush it off and eat it quickly so your kids won’t see you do it or else you’ll have to split one Skittle three ways.
b.) Throw it away and spray the sugary area on the floor with some type of orange cleaning fluid.
c.) Ignore it and hope the ants will find it.

3. One of your kids loves red and one loves yellow. How do you avoid a Skittletasrophe?

a.) Divide the Skittles according to colors and you get to eat the least favorite color.
b.) Tell your kids they taste the same no matter what the color is so stop complaining.
c.) I have no idea what a Skittletastrophe is and I don’t care.

4. Your toddler runs up to you with a watery red mark on his face. What do you do?

a.) Call 911 because he’s bleeding!
b.) Lick his face and enjoy the faint taste of cherry.
c.) Run the other direction.

5. You love Skittles most of all because…

a.) You love the rainbow of fruit flavor.
b.) It’s the only treat you can afford now.
c.) Nothing brings peace to fighting children faster than brightly colored candy.

Answers: Who cares. You get my point. 😉

The Sarah Palin Breast Implant Debate gets Perky

Posted on by MommyQ


Is this is what happens when you buy a really good bra? Nobody knows for sure whether Sarah Palin got breast implants or not, but this photo has launched a slew of rumors. My first reaction is who cares! She is a self-proclaimed hockey mom with FIVE kids. She looks awesome, implants or not. And if she got small mounds of help in the form of saline or silicone, good for her. Chances are, this is just the bra talkin’…

For the women in the world who have never invested in a good bra, the haunting words of Bill Engvall come to mind, “Here’s your sign!” The truth about nice undergarments, be it a bra or shapewear, is they do amazing things. And by amazing, I mean A-MAZ-ING! There are millions of women trotting through life in ill-fitting bras and cheap underwear.  See what you’re missing? You could be hiding a total hottie under all of that sad fabric.

Need an example? This is the Wacoal Underwire Sports Bar. Notice how perky and round. (You can grab this comfortable slice of youth for $62 at Neiman Marcus.)  Throw this beauty under a simple white tee and you’ll go from flat to fabulous. Maybe the big secret looming behind Sarah Palin’s knock-out figure is just a solid fitting by a sweet lady with a measuring tape. No knives required.

Miley Wears a Bodysuit because Gazillionaires don’t have to Wear Pants

Posted on by MommyQ

Miley Cyrus is going through her bodysuit phase – just like Madonna, Britney, Beyonce, Gaga, Pink and Rihanna. Who really cares! I understand, she’s only 17 years old and maybe it’s not appropriate for a girl that age to dress so seductively. Plus, she’s a role model to a young generation of girls.

All of this in incredibly legit, but what people fail to realize is if you’re a superstar, you don’t have to wear pants. That’s pretty much the point. Pants are optional when you make a gazillion dollars. When female celebrities stop wearing pants, they are sending out a sign of success. As soon as you see MommyQ strutting around without pants, you’ll know I’ve made it big.

Is there more to debate here? Is Miley a teen dynamo who wants to shed her Disney-created, squeaky clean image? Of course. She wants the world to know she’s an independent tween.  It’s her party and she’ll cry if she wants to.  Is she making bad choices? Absolutely. Will the public forgive her? Minus the moms of impressionable young girls, uhm, yes. Until all of that happens, she’ll keep strutting her stuff in a form-fitting garment that covers the torso and not much more. Let’s talk about something just a tad more important now, okay?

BLOG: Love the Concept, Hate the Word

Posted on by MommyQ


(blŏg) – Blog – Blogger –

Don’t get me wrong, I love blogging and have been doing it as MommyQ with questionable success for about two years. The one thing I hate about blogging is actually saying the word BLOG. There’s just something annoying about how the word sounds. “I’m a blogger. I have a mom blog.” Too many “blah” sounds. It’s just not phonetically attractive. It almost like you’re just going to throw up mid-sentence. “I’m a <insert vomit here> for a few parenting communities.”

I’ve tried to avoid using the word in conversation and I end up sounding more idiotic than usual. For example,

Q: What do you do?

A: I write for various weblogs.

Weblog? That sounds even worse. Like a creature from Lord of The Rings. “Keep an eye out for weblogs, Froto. They intend to steal the Ring.” Am I being overly sensitive to the word? Does anyone else who blogs find it slightly awkward. Drop me a line. Noodling moms want to know. 😉

Bring It: MommyQ is Kicking NASCAR Butt

Posted on by MommyQ

A few years ago, while preggo with my second kidlet, I became a NASCAR fan. Why? Well, my husband started attending races as a VIP guest through business connections. Attend one race in VIP style and you’re hooked for life. Needless to say, NASCAR chatter began to sneak into our daily conversations. I had two choices. One was to roll my eyes and scowl at him. Easy enough. The other was to give it a spin and see what all the fuss was about. As I sat in the stands at my first race in Watkins Glen – 7 months pregnant, by the way – I got it.

Fast forward to today and my exciting news! I am currently ranked in the TOP 1% of my NASCAR Fantasy League on ESPN. That’s right, folks. I am beating 150,000 other NASCAR fans playing fantasy racing. In my own league, I am ranked 1st. What does this mean? Let me tell you…

It means English majors are cool. It means moms are hip. It means girls are smart. It means a yuppie who likes Starbucks can be a serious NASCAR fan. It means all of those hours I spend listening to Dave Moody on SIRIUS 128 are paying off. It means running cross country in high school is not dorky.  Okay, well maybe it is. It means a Chevy is NOT better than a Benz. It means I am the new face of NASCAR. And yes, my dad can run faster than your dad.

Read more about my NASCAR posts because MommyQ is Motorsport Mommy!

MommyQ Dishes About Her Dreams on The Stir

Posted on by MommyQ

Today MommyQ was featured on The Stir, a CafeMom blog! What are my secrets to a good night of sleep? What do I dream about? Am I really psychic? Are my cats really that ridiculously overweight? Get the answers to your most pressing questions by reading “Cats Who Steal the Covers, Psychic Dreams: Sleep Secrets” by the talented and anti-appliqued sweater-New-York-living mom & writer, Jeanne Sager.

CafeMom is an online community where millions of moms meet each day to talk, share advice, make new friends and play games. It’s fun, it’s free, and it’s for moms only.