Baby Names

Bad Baby Names: Mutton, Mule, Lard & Brain

Bad Baby Names

It goes without saying, choosing a name for your child can be a difficult task. My husband and I came up with a bunch of great names for our first child, who turned out to be a boy. But when we found out we were having another boy, chaos ensued. It took us eight months to come up with a name for him. (You can read about our baby name adventure in the article, “One-of-a-Kind Baby Names” in Pregnancy Today.)

Like many parents my age, we were slightly obsessed with finding the perfect unique baby name. In our effort to be different, sometimes we make big mistakes. Well, the list of baby names below may make you feel better about yourself. Take a look at actual baby names given to real kiddos living in the United States (according to the US Census):

-Uranus Stukey
-Ghoul Nipple
-Acne Fountain
-Lust T. Castle
-Mary A. Jerk
-Ima Whore
-Mutton Bucker
-Hugh Jass
-Fanny Whiffer
-Tackle Feigenbutz
-Envy Burger
-Bum Snoddy
-Mule E. McCart
-Lard Mooney
-Good Hell
-Emma Royd
-Noble Butt
-Monday Monday
-Naught E. Bishop
-Stud Duck

I’m sure you’re thinking, “Come on, MommyQ. You can’t be serious?” Oh, but I am. And on this note, I would like to add my two cents about an awful baby name, Brain. You see, whenever I mistype the name ‘Brian’ as ‘Brain’ I have a complete laughter meltdown. I’m sure there is a kid out there somewhere who is actually named Brain. And if people ever see his name written down on a list, they always assume it’s a typo and call him ‘Brian.’

“Okay, next up is Brain.”
“Oh no, that’s not his name, That must be a typo.”
“No, it says so right here B-R-A-I-N.”
“Yes, but NOBODY is named Brain, that should be Brian.”

Omg! I have no idea why that cracks me up, but it does. Every time. So, what’s the WORST baby name you’ve ever heard? (Yes, I’m still giggling right now about the Brain thing….)