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“Come get me if they give you any crap.”
As a parent, I often learn valuable lessons by simply observing the actions of others. For example, this is why my hubby will never exercise shirtless at a park. On a serious note, I witnessed the epitome of “what not to do” parenting last week at the pool. Before I explain my story, I’m assuming none of us want to raise a bully. Right? We all know the actions of a bully may not leave physical scars, but the mental abuse can leave lifelong wounds or worse. Well, this jackass of a mom didn’t get the memo…
 

At the table next to me, I overheard a teenage boy tell him mom that a group of girls were playing with his inner-tube. First, as moms we all know toys at the pool are community property. That’s the law. Second, the boy was 13-15 and the girls playing with inner-tube were 6-years-old. I know this because they’re my son’s friends. Sweet, innocent and young girls. The floatie was abandoned in the pool and they started playing with it. These things happen.

My head was on a swivel as soon as I heard the mother tell her son in a very unkind tone, “Well, that’s your toy, so go get it! What are you standing there for?! Go get your toy.”

The boy wasn’t feeling comfortable with her response and you could tell he wished he hadn’t said anything about it. He said, “No, mom. You know. It’s okay. They’re having fun and I’m going to sit with you for a while and take a break.”

The mom retorted, “No, you’re not. Go get your butt in the pool and tell those girls that’s your toy. Do it! Come get me if they give you any crap.”

A mom (who happens to be a bully) was bullying her son (who was trying to be nice) into being a bully. Omg. There are so many things wrong with this on so many levels, I can’t even address it all. My head was spinning. I couldn’t even believe it. Yeah, watch out for 6-year-old girls giving a teen boy “crap” about an inner-tube. I’m sure they would’ve pounced on him and screamed “NO WAY!” at the top of their lungs. Classic pathetic motherhood moment. I wanted to reach out and slap that woman. I wanted to shake her and yell, “Do you even realize what you’re doing? Why do people like you procreate?” Yes, she made me want to be a bully. I get the irony.

Why wouldn’t she offer to assist her son and help him initiate the conversation with the girls? He was obviously feeling bad about ruining the fun. Instead of mediating and helping him grow, she just bullied him and bullied him. She wasn’t nice or sensitive or caring in any way, shape or form. She was a jerk and she was trying to force her son to be one too. Oh, and here’s her memo from me, MommyQ:

 

I really wish she had looked at my reaction to her during the ordeal, because I was saving up a super-duper eye roll/disapproving scowl for her. My brows were poised in the ultimate furrow position. She would’ve probably said something rude to me and I would’ve happily told her to bite me. It would’ve been a spectacular, “Jersey-Shore-Real-Housewives-table-tossing-hair-pulling” moment. Sadly, it didn’t happen. And sadly, that poor boy knows the example she is setting is wrong, yet his smart choices go unnoticed. Sad for everyone.

Let’s kick bullying to the curb, people. Learn more at StopBullying.gov.

“Sometimes being a leader is tougher than winning.” That’s a pretty important lesson for children to understand. Thanks to Walmart and P&G bringing back Family Movie Night, the made-for-TV movie, “Field of Vision,’ will bring that message home. The movie boasts a star-studded cast like Faith Ford (Murphy Brown) and tackles serious issues like bullying. It will air tonight (June 11th) on NBC at 8pm ET/ 7pm CT.

I was lucky enough to attend a behind-the-scenes movie event as a guest of Walmart and P&G a few years ago and after speaking with the producers, writers and actors, their passion for family-friendly entertainment was evident. Family Movie Night films like “Field of Vision” address topics relevant to all families in an attempt to provide not only a fun experience for the viewers, but an opportunity for parents to start a dialogue with their kids about these issues. As the mom of two young boys who, I appreciate their dedication.

Here’s a synopsis of the movie:

Through mysterious footage captured on an old malfunctioning video camera, Sinclair High School’s star quarterback, Tyler McFarland, learns that some of his teammates have been bullying Cory Walker, a troubled new transfer student. Aware that sharing this information with the coach might get his friends kicked off the team and ultimately cost the school the state championship, Tyler must choose what’s more important: winning or doing what’s right.

As these events unfold, the camera also reveals more surprising footage to Tyler’s kid sister Lucy… She learns that Cory has a secret past, unknown even to him. Now Lucy must convince her mom (Faith Ford, Murphy Brown) and family that the camera’s revealing insight is not a product of her imagination as she enlists their help to find the answers Cory so desperately needs. It’s a compelling and intriguing story that shows both the challenges and rewards of doing the right thing even when it’s tough to do.

Tune in tonight on NBC and don’t be afraid to start a conversation!

Walmart and P&G did provide me with viewing materials, so I could participate in this Family Movie Night event. All of these opinions are my own.

If you follow MommyQ at all, you know I’m a huge fan of PBS shows. In fact, a few months ago I caught a hilarious moment on video of my kiddos playing Martha Speaks games online They were laughing so much, I assumed they were up to no good. Imagine my surprise when I discovered they were playing educational games online. A mother’s dream, right?

Earlier last week, I got an email that instantly caught my attention. “New Studies Show PBS KIDS Martha Speaks Has Impressive Impact on Children’s Vocabulary.” I excitedly read the findings and wanted to share them with my readers. Now remember, I have no connection with PBS. This is just one mom’s sincere love for a smart, talkative, yellow cartoon dog.

My experience is a bit different from other parents, because my oldest son is autistic. At the age of 4-years-old, he was hardly talking and strangers couldn’t understand him at all. That’s why we get very giddy when he likes shows like Martha Speaks that actually make a big effort to help his development. Now this may not seem like a big deal to some of you, but here’s proof of how far he’s come. He’s 6-years-old now and just finished kindergarten. I asked him (totally on-the-fly), what he thinks about Martha Speaks. Get a load of this….

 

Study Results
Three recent independent studies highlight the impressive impact that Martha Speaks is having on young childrens’ vocabulary development, and its strength as an early-intervention tool across broadcast and online platforms. These studies not only measured the impact on children who viewed episodes of the show, but additionally saw a significant increase in vocabulary skills among children playing with the Martha Speaks Dog Party iPhone app.

A few notable takeaways from the studies include:
• On average, children who watched Martha Speaks had a significantly greater increase in vocabulary knowledge compared to children who did not watch the show.
• Martha Speaks is an effective tool in helping bridge the vocabulary gap between low-income children and their more affluent peers.
• Martha Speaks facilitates inexpensive language opportunities at home.
• Program-specific vocabulary knowledge translated into higher standardized vocabulary scores for urban boys and rural children living in low socioeconomic-status homes.
• Children 3-to-7 years-old who played with the Martha Speaks Dog Party app tested up to 31 percent higher in vocabulary.
• Children were able to retain the increased vocabulary, and showed even greater gains on targeted words weeks after the study ended.

These studies are now available on the PBS KIDS website.

“He looks like a little old man,” she laughed to her friend. It was a group of four grandmothers, looking at the newest addition to the grandma club – a plump new grandson. “We need to buy him a tiny cowboy hat,” one exclaimed excitedly. They all laughed and nodded in agreement. That baby needs a cowboy hat for sure, because it’s a unspoken law that every child in Texas owns one.

These grandmas were decked out in their coordinating gym attire, looking pretty darn awesome for being around 65-years-old. They were obviously good friends, laughing and gossiping and making plans for a lazy afternoon lunch.  One of these ladies had white hair styled in a cute shoulder-length cut and one was wearing her hair shorter and totally gray. The other two had big, puffy, blond hair.  (Again, Texas.)

I was instantly reminded of my own friends, 90% of them happen to be moms like me. We all have young kiddos, mostly under 7-years-old. Our group functions much the same. We laugh and gossip, but we make plans for a rushed lunch that has to happen before the end of the school day and after preschool drop-off. Instead of sharing pictures in person, we keep up with each through status updates, online photo albums and texts.

Watching those grandmothers, I realized something that seems impossible right now. One day, I will be one of those grandmas. I’ll be old with wrinkled hands, telltale sunspots, deep Crow’s feet and serious smile lines. My friends, who are vibrant, fit, flawless and healthy will be those grandmas too. Well, at least I won’t be alone, right?  Although even when I’m old and gray, I think I’ll see my friends as I see them today. They don’t look old to me now, so maybe they never will.

My hope would be this: When it’s my turn to be the grandma with the fluffy hair and the snazzy workout gear, and a gal in her late 30s sees me at the gym, I want her to think, “I hope I look that good when I’m really old.” I’d take that as a compliment every time.

Image: TheBerry

Last week, we decided to have a picnic at a local park with the kiddos.  As I was munching on my salad, I noticed some odd activity out of the corner of my eye. It was shirtless man doing Tai Chi moves right next to the playscape. He was enthusiastically practicing Shibashi postures, sunning his love handles in the process. I nudged my husband and as soon as he turned to see the guy squatting his way towards clarity, spreading his ying and yang,  my hubby was shocked. Why do this in front of little kids?

First of all, this park isn’t conducive to adults. It features a play area for small children, picnic tables and basketball courts. Shirtless exercising within inches of said children isn’t socially acceptable in this particular slice of surburbia. My husband’s shock quickly turned into anger as he continued to watch this guy do slow, repetitive movements as small kids ran by him playing and giggling.

After a few minutes of awkwardness, the routine stopped and we realized this guy was at the park with his kid. He called to his child who jumped off the slide and ran towards him. My husband felt better, because it made the guy seem like much less of a potential pervert. He was just a dad getting some exercise. Then again, we were still confused. Who does this?!?

I have nothing against people doing whatever they want in public. You wanna practice your yoga headstands? Fine. You want to do lunges and stretches? Super. But why oh why must you do this on the playground – like literally standing next to a swing? He could’ve easily kept his eye on his child and moved back a few feet to do the exact same thing. Plus, it wasn’t even hot that day. Why do it shirtless?

What’s up with this dude? Would this make you uneasy?

Image: thecolor.com

 

I just love watching men peruse the card section at Walgreen’s, trying to find the best Mother’s Day card for their mamas. The surly Larry The Cable Guy in a cutoff plaid shirt buys the beautifully illustrated sappy card with the heartfelt sentiments, while the Dell-looking guy in pleated khakis and a Titleist polo buys his mom the slightly raunchy card featuring a monkey wearing sunglasses or an old lady in a bikini.

I could be petty and wish for extravagant things or I could be totally content and wish for nothing or I could be myself and wish for more wishes. Okay, now I’m just confusing myself.

 

1. – I wish I liked glitter. Why? Because it is the most popular decorative element on the crafts my kids bring home from school. And due to my hatred for said glitter, those crafty creations always land in the trash.

2. – I wish I didn’t DVR so many shows, because I have like 39 hours of recorded shows that I NEVER have time to watch. Those shows hang over me like a dark cloud – a dark taunting cloud.

3. – I wish I had never heard the term “muffin top.” It was much easier to have them when I didn’t know what they were called. Naming them makes them real.

4. – I wish I exclaimed cooler phrases when I’m excited about something or mad. I say lame things likes, “Holy Moly” and “Are you kidding me?!’ and “Seriously!?!” I also use the words “dude” and “awesome” regularly.  After visiting my sister in Colorado, I’m thinking of swapping out “awesome” for “gnarly.”

5. – I wish I wasn’t addicted to fabric softener. I know it makes my clothes fall apart faster, it’s another heavy thing to buy at the grocery store (which I detest) and it prolongs an already horrible laundry experience. I can’t help it. Gain smells fantastic.

6. – I wish I didn’t have the uncanny ability to hear silent headlocks. I can hear them from a mile away. If my kids get really quiet while playing together, I know someone’s grumpy face is getting squished in the crook of someone’s tiny arm.

7. -  I wish I could open the pantry and/or the refrigerator and cleverly whip up an amazing meal with whatever I find. Let’s have instant oatmeal topped with spicy mustard, a slice of cheese and a jar of pimentos!

8. – I wish I didn’t think “that’s what she said” was a perfect addition to any statement. Michael Scott was right on the ball. That’s what she said.

9. – I wish kid’s movies were lame. I watch Despicable Me, Megamind and Wall-E with way too much interest. I am genuinely sad when the kids get bored and want to turn the movie off early. Once in a while, I finish watching the movie by myself after they go to bed.

10. – In thinking about wish #9, I’d like to wish for a bunch of my own minions. Cute, little, yellow critters who can help do the laundry, clean up cat puke, find missing socks, break up the silent headlocks, etc. I think every mom deserves at least 25 of them, as long as they’re very self sufficient, I’m assuming I don’t have to feed them. If so, I hope they like my oatmeal surprise (refer to wish #7).

Happy Mother’s Day to all of the fab mommies out there. May you get a box full of minions this year….

I was fixing dinner when I heard more screaming than normal. I knew nobody was hurt because it was high-pitched, happy yelling accompanied by laughter and shouts. Oddly, when I went to find all of the noise, I noticed it was coming from one location. But the location was moving — quickly!

My boys decided to go for a joyride on my oldest son’s Razor RipRider, which is his most favorite bike ever.  He does some seriously cool spinouts on that thing. Anyway, my youngest figured out how to climb on, stand on the back, lean forward and grip the handlebars. I’m not sure which one was dominating as the biggest daredevil, so I’ll give them both the title.

While little guy hung on for dear life, my older son managed to steer with perfect accuracy while totally hunched over. How did he do this? He didn’t hit the wall, the table, the cat, the counter, the fireplace, the couch, etc. Sadly, I’m probably the one screaming the loudest. They seemed totally fine with it all.

What’s the funniest daredevil trick your kiddos have done?

Image: DisneyXD

If you give a mom a microphone, she’ll ask for a stage to go with it. When you give her the stage, she’ll ask if it makes her butt look big. Worrying about her big butt will make her change outfits, so you’ll need to get her a glass of wine to calm her nerves…

What happens when you throw 15 moms together and give them a microphone? Well, they talk your ears off about motherhood, of course.  The good, the bad, the exhausted, the sedated. It’s a job rich in laughter, marinated in pee, sprinkled with sticky candy and sauteed in a mixture of smeared mascara, laundry detergent and breast milk. Yummy, right? Much like Gefilte fish, motherhood is a delicacy not intended for the faint of heart.

On April 30th, grab your hubby, your mom, your grandma, your girlfriends, your overweight cat, a box of Puffs and join us at a pre-Mother’s Day celebration, the “Listen To Your Mother Austin” show. In fact, you can read more about it in the Statesman’s Mama Drama blog.

All of the fab mamas, myself included, will read a short original essay about motherhood. After our first rehearsal, I was so amazed at each and every story. This is NOT a sappy, cliche, poetry reading involving tambourines, Birkenstocks, awkward pauses and weeping. The pieces are smart, sassy, creative, thought-provoking and highly entertaining – just like the moms who wrote them.

This year’s Austin cast includes: Kristin Armstrong, Kimberly Cockrill, Julie Coombes, Jenny Lawson, Cathy Hale (that’s me!), Kathryn Harrison, Diane LeBleu, Blythe Jewell, Krystin Crain Johnson, Esther Mizrachi Moritz, Elizabeth McGuire, Jennifer Newcomb Marine and Gigi Ross.  Show producers Wendi Aarons and Jennifer Sutton will emcee and read at the event as well. (If you aren’t following @WendiAarons on Twitter, you should be beaten with wet diapers. She’s a freakin’ riot.)

“Listen to Your Mother Austin” will be performed April 30 at 1 p.m. at the AT&T Executive Education and Conference Center, 1900 University Ave. Tickets are $14 and available online at http://www.eventbrite.com/event/1468976749. Proceeds from the event (after costs are covered) will be donated to Any Baby Can.