http://www.mommyq.com MommyQ

If you give a mom a microphone, she’ll ask for a stage to go with it. When you give her the stage, she’ll ask if it makes her butt look big. Worrying about her big butt will make her change outfits, so you’ll need to get her a glass of wine to calm her nerves…

What happens when you throw 15 moms together and give them a microphone? Well, they talk your ears off about motherhood, of course.  The good, the bad, the exhausted, the sedated. It’s a job rich in laughter, marinated in pee, sprinkled with sticky candy and sauteed in a mixture of smeared mascara, laundry detergent and breast milk. Yummy, right? Much like Gefilte fish, motherhood is a delicacy not intended for the faint of heart.

On April 30th, grab your hubby, your mom, your grandma, your girlfriends, your overweight cat, a box of Puffs and join us at a pre-Mother’s Day celebration, the “Listen To Your Mother Austin” show. In fact, you can read more about it in the Statesman’s Mama Drama blog.

All of the fab mamas, myself included, will read a short original essay about motherhood. After our first rehearsal, I was so amazed at each and every story. This is NOT a sappy, cliche, poetry reading involving tambourines, Birkenstocks, awkward pauses and weeping. The pieces are smart, sassy, creative, thought-provoking and highly entertaining – just like the moms who wrote them.

This year’s Austin cast includes: Kristin Armstrong, Kimberly Cockrill, Julie Coombes, Jenny Lawson, Cathy Hale (that’s me!), Kathryn Harrison, Diane LeBleu, Blythe Jewell, Krystin Crain Johnson, Esther Mizrachi Moritz, Elizabeth McGuire, Jennifer Newcomb Marine and Gigi Ross.  Show producers Wendi Aarons and Jennifer Sutton will emcee and read at the event as well. (If you aren’t following @WendiAarons on Twitter, you should be beaten with wet diapers. She’s a freakin’ riot.)

“Listen to Your Mother Austin” will be performed April 30 at 1 p.m. at the AT&T Executive Education and Conference Center, 1900 University Ave. Tickets are $14 and available online at http://www.eventbrite.com/event/1468976749. Proceeds from the event (after costs are covered) will be donated to Any Baby Can.

Imagine seeing one your favorite, most cherished family pictures on a hugely popular website like iVillage. Smiling faces on us, stoic looks on the kids, big brown eyes shining, cute little hands captured perfectly, beautiful surroundings, sunny days, happy hearts. I remember how the boys were running around barefoot and laughing and how cute, yet cheesy, they looked in their matching outfits. They even listened to all of my pleading prior to the photo shoot by diligently staying out of the dirt.

Now imagine the words “Signs of Autism” and “Real Moms Share” splashed across the top of that special picture.  That means one of those sweet, little, innocent faces is the real face of autism. That means it’s one of your kids, because that’s you smiling right above it. Would that change the way your feel about your child? Your family? Your dreams?

Read Real Moms Share the Earliest Signs of Autism on iVillage.

A few years ago, I’m not sure if I would’ve been excited to see this image. A few years ago, I’m not sure my family would’ve been excited to see this image. Maybe I wouldn’t have been so quick to share it on Facebook and Twitter, or text my husband about it or call my mom about it or blog about it.  A few years ago, we weren’t comfortable with autism. We were skeptical, scared, insecure and unnerved. Today, we know autism isn’t a dirty word at all, it’s simply a new way of looking at the world.

There’s something about autism that reminds me about the way people used to talk about cancer. They’d lower their voices and whisper, “she has cancer.” And the word “cancer” was hardly audible.  Obviously, autism is not killing our friends and family members, but people still whisper about it sometimes. Today, people shout about cancer from the rooftops and that’s exactly what they should be doing. Why? Because talking about something, especially when it’s bad, makes it real. Real things get noticed. Real things get funding. Real things get cured.

I tend to think discussing autism works the same way. Reading this post right now is the definition of “awareness,” a word that gets tossed around so much it’s watered down like a bad margarita on a hot summer day. But awareness is critically important. That’s why I force myself to discuss autism openly, honestly and nonchalantly, even when I don’t feel like it.  The old me would’ve NEVER done this. The mom me who has two beautiful boys and never wants them to be ashamed of autism, well, she’s a talker. She’s an advocate. She’s all about awareness.

Understanding the early signs of autism is so important. Even if you have fears your child might be autistic, doesn’t mean that’s actually the case. There are plenty of sensory, learning and speech delays that don’t warrant an autism diagnosis. Every story is different. And if you do get an autism diagnosis, welcome to the club. You don’t get an actual badge, but you if you did, I’m sure you’d wear it with pride.

Read more about living with autism in ‘Advocate Mommy‘ category of MommyQ.

If you’re  a new mom, you’ve thought about it. If you’ve had one, maybe you can relate this post. The topic is c-sections and it’s a good one. Why? Because it’s the perfect combination of extreme happiness mixed with a totally huge “gross” factor. I’ve had two, one emergency c-section in 2004 and a planned one in 2007.

A dear friend of mine, MommyB,  is expecting baby #2 and this time, she’s scheduled for a c-section.  A few weeks ago, she messaged me on Facebook, asking me for tips. She inspired me to write about the weird, scary, creepy and happy moments during my c-section experiences.

Take a look at my new post,  10 Things You Might Not Know (Or Want to Know) About a C-Section on Betty Confidential.

Did you have a similar experience? Do you remember any of the things I mentioned during yours? Geez, I hope so…

The first visit to the dentist was going to be a breeze. I picked a wonderful new pediatric dentist office in our neighborhood. In fact, they visit elementary schools explaining the importance of good dental health to kids. I prepped my boys (3yo & 6yo) weeks prior to the visit about what would happen. “The lovely, nice dentist will look at your teeth to make sure they are healthy and white.” “Nothing to be worried about, boys.” “It’s easy-peasy stuff!”

We arrived on time and the boys were blown away by the awesome waiting area. TVs, toys, video games, a huge tree in the middle of the room, stuff animals all about. Heavenly! Again, my mommy self was totally upbeat. Not a trace of fear on my kiddos’ faces. I was almost ready to pat myself on the back when everything changed.

I heard crying off in the distance and saw a mom explaining to the woman at the check-in desk, “I can’t get her out of the car right now…” I saw that weak smile on that mom’s face and my blood pressure began to rise. Sure enough, her 6-year-old was sitting in the car – screaming – because she didn’t want to come in. Uh-oh.

Eventually the dad walked in carrying a screaming, crying, kicking little girl. My 6-year-old noticed her, but didn’t react. My 3-year-old instantly had a petrified look on his face and slowly began to hide himself behind a TV stand. I was ready to explode. I almost asked the parents to remove their child, because my children still believed dentists were “fun” and their bawling child was quickly destroying everything.

I quickly went over to my younger son and told him not to worry about the little girl. “Why is she sad, mama?” he tearfully asked me. “Because she’s very grumpy today,” I answered. “She’s fine. She’s just very very grumpy.” He seemed to understand that she was just grumpy and relaxed. “Why is she so grumpy?” he asked. “Because she wants a lollipop and her mommy said no,” I lied. My son nodded. He understood the sadness of not getting a lollipop. After coaxing from mom, dad, and two hygienists, the little girl finally left the waiting room. Evidently, she was there for a filling and didn’t want to drink the “happy juice” for sedation.

My boys ended up doing a great job. They both sat still for the hygienists and didn’t squirm too much. The hygienists were great about explaining all of the steps, so that helped a bunch. My boys didn’t like getting x-rays, but they cooperated and got the job done. They left with new toothbrushes, floss, toothpaste, stickers and a balloon. On the way out, my younger son said, “I wonder what happened to that grumpy girl, mama.” Oh, she’s taking a nap now. I think she’ll be just fine,” I said.

How was your first experience at the pediatric dentist?

What happens when it’s 23 degrees outside and my son needs a homemade Valentine’s Day card box? MommyQ resorts to doing a craft project with her MacGyver skills. That’s right, folks! I made this card box with random stuff I found in the house, because I refuse to go out in this ridiculously frigid weather. It’s not perfect, but I’m nice & warm and didn’t have to spend a dime. It took me about 15 to make it and it was so easy!

Materials:

- Wooden puzzle box
- Wrapping paper
- Decorative tape
- Scotch tape
- Red ribbon
- Yellow craft paint
- Coupon book

I used an old puzzle box that was already painted yellow and blue. I covered the removable sliding  lid with black & white, polka dot wrapping paper. I used tape to adhere the paper to the lid, making sure to pull the tape tight at the ends. I don’t want to paper to start ripping when my son slides the lid open and closed. I found an old red ribbon, which I cut down to fit the box. I remembered my ultra-awesome role of Damask decorative tape from TapeSwell and used that to decorate the box. Wow, decorative tape is the BEST for stuff like this.

Keep in mind, this box is for a little boy to take to school, so I didn’t want it to be too girlie. However; I wanted to add something with hearts. My true Richard Dean moment occurred when I saw a coupon book sitting in our pile of mail. I flipped through it and just loved the Dunkin’ Donuts ad for heart-shaped donuts, so I cut out the pictures and used them as my hearts. Nothing says love like donuts, right?

Tell me about your ‘MacGyver’ moments as a mommy!

I hear myself saying things to my rambunctious children like, “Don’t leave your shoes in the middle of the floor,” and “Pick up your messes,” and often notice, I don’t do these things myself. It makes me wonder, are all parents hypocrites? When it comes to the little things, are we walking contradictions?

My hubby and I are good about the big stuff we preach to our kids, like no cussing. Once in a while we accidentally let an expletive fly in front of the kids, but it’s rare. When we tell them not to hit, scratch, bite, push or shove each other, we’re on track. We never handle situations in a physical nature. Well, I may have thrown a brush at my hubby 10 years ago, but we weren’t even engaged and certainly didn’t have children way back then. Plus, he may have deserved it. I wasn’t aiming right at him. I digress.

It’s the small things that make me think I’m a hypocrite:

Pick up your mess! – I’m always trying to get my children to put away their toys and pick up the little explosions of stuff around the house. Then I find myself walking through the door with my own ‘mess’ of stuff and it all lands on the kitchen counter. And it piles up higher and higher. No, I’m not great about putting my messy things away.

Don’t leave your shoes in the floor! – I can’t stand seeing shoes scattered all over the place. Then again, I’ll leave multiple pairs of my own shoes all over the house. They rarely make it upstairs into my closet either!

Don’t eat in front of the TV! – I encourage my kids to eat their meals at the table. But sometimes I want to relax and watch TV, so I’ll eat a sandwich or a meal on the sofa like a true-blooded couch potato.

Wear a coat! – In this ridiculously cold weather, my hubby and I are always nagging the kids to put on heavy winter coats. Then, he and I only wear sweaters and walk out without coats ourselves. Sorry, I can’t stand being too hot. Besides, I know I won’t freeze.

Try new foods? Oh yeah, this is a good one. We’re always trying to encourage my kids to discover new foods. I’ve even resorting to bribing them with dessert if they at least taste  a new dish. Uhm, I’m as stubborn as a mule when it comes to trying new foods. But I’m old, I’ve had my whole life to know exactly what foods I might like and which ones I can live without. Doesn’t wisdom make me less of a hypocrite?

What do you think? Are we all hypocrites when it comes to our day-to-day parenting ways? Is it okay to be a walking contradiction as long as our intentions are good? Do tell….

Image: NatalieDee.com

It was so much fun to meet anchor, Sally Hernandez, and be a guest on the KXAN News at Noon show today. Sally is a smart and sweet and funny gal. It was a great interview and I owe a lot of that her. She’s the mom of a youngster herself, so I think she really understands and appreciates the power of mom blogs.

I talked to Sally about my blog and then gave a few tips for moms who would like to start a blog. I mentioned getting your feet wet on large blogging communities like Blogher and Yahoo!Shine. These are my two favorites online communities and I actually post on both of them. The larger blogs I write for, Babble and BettyConfidential, also use Yahoo!Shine to promote their blog posts. It has a tremendous reach due to the sheer amount of readers.

As I mentioned in the interview, there are many Do’s and Don’ts when it comes to blogging. Here are my top three:

DO

1 – Identify the goals of your blog. Take some time to think about what you want your blog to accomplish. Are you writing it so family members who don’t live nearby can keep up? Are you going to use your blog as a stepping stone into a writing career? Are you wanting to make money with it? There are lots of great reasons, and figuring out what they are will help you create your blog in a way that best fits your goals.

2 – Share! Share! Share! When you do start blogging, share your posts on social media sites. That’s exactly why they exist. Use Facebook, Twitter, StumbleUpon, LinkedIn or any of your favorites to share your posts. This is what you need to do to engage with your readers and start conversations. My friends & family are my biggest fans, so I encourage you to bombard them constantly.

3 – Write about stuff you like. Yeah, that seems pretty obvious, but it’s true. If your write about topics you like, in additional to your fabulous kiddos, you’re more likely to keep writing. Let’s face it, you can only write about picky eaters and colds and diaper fiascoes to a degree. Pepper in the things you love and your passion will shine through in your writing.

DON’T

1 – Too much information! Be careful about the amount of info your share in your blog. As mom bloggers, we’re always chatting about our kids. That doesn’t mean you should list their full names, where they attend school or daycare, etc. It’s possible to tell compelling and true stories without giving every little detail. Protect yourself and your children.

2 – Never blog angry. The rush of having your own slice of the Internet can be intoxicating, but don’t abandon all of your manners as a result. (And speaking of intoxicating, don’t blog drunk either.) If you have a bad experience somewhere or buy a product you don’t like, don’t go off about it in your blog. That stuff will come back to haunt you. If you read a post and your gut instinct tells you not to publish it, listen to your gut. Better safe than sorry.

3 – Embrace negative feedback. - Don’t spend time worrying about how your posts will be received. You WILL GET negative feedback and some of it won’t be pretty. Take it for what’s it worth and don’t get discouraged. If you have the freedom to voice your option, other people are entitled to do the same thing. That’s the beauty of this highly interactive world we live in!

Plus, learn more about BlogathonATX: Part Deux and find out why you should’ve already bought your ticket. Shame on you!

Kids do funny things. This is nothing new. But when it’s YOUR kid, it becomes even more hilarious. My 3-year-old son scratched his head at school last week and immediately requested a Band-Aid. You know how little kiddos love their Band-Aids. Anyway, that was almost a week ago and he refuses to take it off.

He doesn’t get to watch Mr. Squarepants because I’m not a big fan of the humor for a 3-year-old. But he has gotten a peak, so he knows that SpongeBob is a cartoon. My son also LOVES the color yellow. If he sees anything yellow, he wants it.

So guess what happens when my son got this bright, yellow, SpongeBob Band-Aid? He fell in love. He refuses to take it off. (It’s also stuck to his eyebrow, so I’m guessing that will be a tad painful to remove.) Now it has become part of his wardrobe and we keep picking outfits that coordinate with his new BFF, his bandage.

He has given us compelling reasons for keeping the Band-Aid:

“My SpongeBob Band-Aid is my friend.”

“This yellow keeps my head warm.”

“But it’s my friend on my head, mommy. I need it!”

You can see the video below to hear him vow to keep it on “forever & ever & ever” and I happen to believe him. He’s quite tenacious.