It seems Beyonce spared no expense when it came to her baby girl’s birth. Any why would she? She’s Beyonce. TMZ has released photos of her beautiful hospital suite which costs around $700-$800 per night. A tad expensive, yes, but that’s not an insane amount. Her posse used about four rooms during her stay – evidently her entourage travels with her for her birth – ew.  Why? In case she decides to record an album during delivery or needs a sequins bodysuit? Anyway, so four rooms would’ve run her about $3,200. Again, not a big deal when you’re sitting on kabillions of dollars. Click image below to see more of her hospital suite!

So why so much drama about Beyonce’s baby? It really didn’t cost a ton if the above info is correct. Wait, there’s more! On Wed. of this week the NY State Health Department got  “complaints from new parents who claim they were mistreated by the staff at Lenox Hill Hospital while Beyonce was giving birth in the VIP room.”  The parents who were having babies in the hospital while Bey & Z were there said, “they were neglected by staff and prevented from visiting their newborns … due to the drama surrounding the superstar.” Gee, ya think?

Let me tell you this, had I given birth at my hospital while a HUGE superstar like Beyonce was there, I would’ve delivered my baby myself with a bedpan and a sheet. I’m 1,000 times certain I  would’ve been totally ignored. They ignored me most of the time anyway! Talk about ruining a special moment for you and your family. Who cares about your normal, boring baby when BEYONCE and JAYZ are birthing royalty down the hall. Seriously? You know I’m right.

The baby rumors continue to swill about and who knows what’s actually true. All I know is that kid is gonna hear the most unbelievably cool nursery rhymes ever.

I made a joke on Facebook last week about not friending people’s kids. I said something to the effect of my subtle innuendos, jaded perspective and bad jokes would be lost on a child. I also joked about the upside, which would be I probably have the same taste in music as a 10-year-old. Well, until you get into my love of rap music. That should bump the median age up a notch.

Picture it. Almost 39-year-old mother of two be-bopping around suburbia in a black Mercedes mini SUV (for the mom who can’t park a Suburban) with this music blaring through the speakers. Yes, it’s as pathetic in real life as it reads on-screen. However, my elementary-aged kids think I’m super awesome, so I’ve got that going for me.

Here’s what’s on my iPod:

Maroon 5 with and without Gym Class Heroes
Brittney Spears
Justin Timberlake
Usher
Lady Gaga
Ke$ha
LMFAO (twice)
Flo Rida (also twice)
Black Eyed Peas
Kanye
Pitball (and lots of it)
Rihanna
Jason Derulo (Omg, I’m making myself  laugh now…)

My personal “explicit” faves inlcude:
DMX
Biggie
Ludacris
JayZ
Chamillionaire
50 Cent
Little Kim
Foxy Brown
Xhibit
Beastie Boys

My sad attempt at “cutting edge” includes:
Jessie J
Black Keys
Arcade Fire
Far East Movement
Nickelback

What makes me cheesy as heck:
Wham
Phil Collins (Sussudio, of course)
Michael Jackson
Prince
Duran Duran

As one of my besties would say,”SHAZAM!” What’s on your iPod? Is it even remotely as cheesy as my playlist? Go ahead, thrill me.

“Look at me. I’m wearing daddy’s shoes and I’m naked.” Hysterical laughter errupts.

“Mom, when you wear your glasses, you look like a grandma.” Hysterical laughter.

“Mommy, listen to my new song. ‘I hate you. I hate daddy. I hate bugs. I hate turtles. I hate candy. I hate pillows.’ More hysterical laughter.

“Guess what, mommy? Butt. Pee.” Total giggle meltdown.

I have to admit, being four must be fun because everything is totally hilarious. The mind of my 4-year-old is so interesting and entertaining, it almost makes me jealous.

Sometimes he is actually very funny and seems to have inherited comedic timing, but sometimes what he says doesn’t seem funny at all. And it’s only his genuine reaction that makes it funny. He enjoys laughing at his own bad jokes almost as much as I like laughing at mine. That’s my boy. Tear.

I’m not the kind of mom that gets weepy as my kids get older, but I will miss this tender, silly and highly amusing age. I can only hope he’ll always have that fun-loving spirit and maybe when he gets older, he’ll laugh at my bad jokes too.

P.S. When I kissed him goodnight,  I asked him who is the funniest person he knows. He thought for a minute. “Me, mommy!” Of course.

My tall, skinny son looked rather comical in his worn, gray, jersey-knit bodysuit with his silly elephant nose made out of a dryer tube wrapped in silver electrical tape and a big pillow stuffed down the front of his outfit. He looked goofy and frumpy, which was exactly how he was supposed to look. The room was fully of excited children and glittery outfits – clown suits, ringmaster vests, acrobat leotards and funny props. And my son was a fat, gray elephant. I was very proud.

It was the annual kindergarten performance and I was a nervous wreck. I wasn’t worried about my son goofing up his lines, because he didn’t have any lines. I was worried about him making a mistake, because at that age, mistakes are pretty darn cute. I was worried about how he would handle the things I couldn’t anticipate. When you have an autistic child, you recognize the situations that may be uncomfortable or overwhelming, and you plan ahead to avoid them. If it’s going to be loud, you pack the soundproof headphones. If it’s going to be crowded, you go early to avoid crowds. The truth is, when you’re dealing with autism you just never know. And in this instance, I knew nothing.

My son and I practiced his little routine at home and I gave him verbal reassurance about the on-stage experience. No matter how much I prepped him, I realized he didn’t fully grasp what I was trying to convey. This is what autism is all about and this why it’s so tricky. The one thing I didn’t want him to experience on-stage was fear. It was impossible for me to imagine how he would process and handle the stage, the lights, the audience and the huge auditorium.

While I was pinning his bulky elephant costume closed, I kept telling him to have fun and not worry if he made a mistake. He smiled and said, “okay, mama!” I gave him a big hug and went to my seat in the second row. To many onlookers, I probably appeared to a normal, nervous, stage mom who secretly yearned for her child to steal the show. The reality of the situation couldn’t have been further from the truth.

The show was adorable and eventually, it was time for his act to perform. I could see the expression on his face as he stepped on-stage to the sea of faces looking back at him. He was scanning the unfamiliar faces for a familiar one – his mommy. As soon as he saw me waving at him, he waved back. I knew he would be fine. And he was. He sailed through his routine without a hitch. I was overcome with happiness, hope and of course, pride. My head was cheering, “He did it! He did it!” and then it happened…

All of the children, about 138 kiddos, gathered on-stage together for one final song. After the first few notes rang out, my son covered his ears and crouched down, putting his elbows on his knees. I panicked. My husband, who was sitting next to me, noticed too. We watched as he stood up and then resumed his position, blocking out his surroundings. It was too much and he was panicking. The lights, the noise, the camera flashes, the people, the stage. “Go help him!” I instinctively said to my husband, practically jumping out of my seat “No,” he said calmly, yet fearfully. “He’s handling it.”

The song seemed to last forever and while all of the other little faces sang happily and parents took tons of pictures, my son’s little face was hidden. It didn’t help that he was standing on the first row, front and center. On the bright side, as soon as the song ended he popped back up and smiled, enjoying the accolades from all of the parents. He didn’t cry, he didn’t run and he didn’t mentally checkout. He survived it in his own way. Yep, he handled it after all. What a star!

Read more about living with autism in my Advocate Mommy section.

Image: Mina Laben

If you haven’t heard the buzz about this new doll, I’ll break it down for you. Breast Milk Baby is a doll that allows little girls to simulate the act of breast-feeding. And as you can imagine, this toy is creating waves of controversy as it will soon be available in the US. So what’s the big deal about another doll? I mean, we already have plenty of dollies that eat, pee and poop. Well, it could be the vest with sensors to trigger nursing or the suckling sounds or the fact that little girl can loosely experience latching. Pick one. Here’s a recent article from ABC News.

Today, I spoke with FOX 7 about it and shared my thoughts as not only a mother, but a mother who happens to know a lot about baby products. I even posted something on Facebook about my impending interview, which created its own little swirl of debate. This is a controversial doll for many reasons. Instead of exploring the obvious, I thought it was far more interesting to hear reactions about the doll from dads. After all, dads shower their daughters with gifts. Will they buy Breast Milk Baby for their daughters? One dad added his two cents to my lively Facebook discussion by posting the following:

“Don’t want to drag another ‘party’ to the discussion unknowingly… But having had this very discussion today…. It’s not about sexuality or nourishment as much as it seems to be about the publicity of it. Should be private and between a mom and child, not public and out for display for everyone to share. I think public display kind of sensationalizes it. Back to the doll – is that the right WAY to send the message or teach our children? My girls will never own one of these, but you can bet they will know everything they want and need to about breastfeeding and discretion.”

Bravo, daddy! I think he illustrates great points and let’s face it, dads are an integral part of parenting, so why dismiss their feelings? Many dads seem to be annoyed by the doll, because they feel young girls don’t need to experience something reserved for grown women. It’s simply too much, too soon. Other dads think there is a shady sexual undertone that just makes them feel slightly ill. Loving daddies might not want to imagine their sweet little girls as mothers quite yet, especially with all of the valid fears of teenage pregnancies.

Weigh in, dads! What do you think about this doll? Will you buy it for your daughter?

First of all, I’m a HUGE fan of the show. In fact, my husband and I both watched it religiously. We totally freaked out when we realized we missed a show last week. But with all of the fabulousness comes some unfabulousness. In honor of my love for this new show, I will point out its flaws. Just like I do with my husband. Think of it as constructive criticism, NBC.

# 10 – Carson Daly’s smug looks. He always smiles like he knows something really funny, but the rest of us aren’t in on the joke.  And it’s something like you have a piece of Arugula in your teeth and he’s secretly laughing at you, but he’s not gentleman enough to point it out, leaving you to look like a fool. He’s that kind of smug.

#9 – CeeLo without sunglasses. It’s just too weird to see his eyes. He looks much cooler with glasses, so there should be a rule about that. It’s like he’s a total rockstar with glasses and just a normal guy in strange outfits without them.

#8 – Twitter updates with Alison. I get the whole “let’s incorporate social media into a live to show to make it appear really live” idea, but it doesn’t work quite right. The room likes a telethon or something. To make it more cutting edge, they should talk about the bad tweets referencing Christina’s crimped hair or her big mouth or her intoxicating personality. Remember, what makes social media real is the fact that you can’t control it.

#7 – Not enough Adam Levine. This guy is a total babe in a bad boy/hottie/rockstar way. You now, like Carson wishes he could be. We need to have more one-on-one air time with him. Maybe NBC could do a “Deep Thoughts with Adam Levine” a couple of times per show. He just looks so adorable in his tight little shirts and tight cardigans and skinny jeans. More Adam, NBC. More. Adam.

#6 – Less theatrics on stage. I totally agree with Blake. Those goofball dancers are totally ridiculous and unnecessary. They’re incredibly distracting, just like the absence of CeeLo’s enormous watches. I did like the performance with Vicci and her drummers, but the shadow dancing is way too cheesy. I also thought the Mad Max-inspired duet with CeeLo and Vicci was like an explosion of Velveeta. Serious cheese.

#5 – Christina’s hair. One of my hilarious friends @WendiAarons tweeted this, “Christina Aguilera’s hair is so pretty. I wonder what it’s made from.“  That pretty much sums it up for me. The only thing worse than Christina’s awful hairdos was the stress her boobs must have been feeling, knowing they could be popping out on national TV at any moment. Those braids – the big one on side and the tiny one on the other – forced me into therapy. They looked like alien tendrils and now I have nightmares about them.

#4 – Too many bald women. If there had only been one, it would’ve been totally neat and hip. But with two beautiful bald-headed women battling it out, they kind of killed each others’ thunder. It’s like when my husband and I get ready to go out to dinner and inadvertently wear the same color, looking like the world’s dorkiest couple ever. I can tell him to go change, but Frenchie couldn’t tell Beverly to go grow some hair real quick.

#3 – The way Carson Daly holds a microphone. He looks like a creepy dude trying to choke a …uhm, er…wait a second. Sorry, already griped about him.

#2 - CeeLo without both watches. In addition to the sunglasses, he should have to wear two diamond encrusted watches at all times. I saw him with one on each wrist in one show, so it was distracting to see him without them. I was thinking,” Poor CeeLo. Is he having financial trouble? Where’s the other watch. Did he pawn it?  I’m worried about CeeLo, gosh darn it. Is he okay? CeeLo!?!”

#1 – Lack of a tacky trophy. With all of the glitter, sequins, shadow dancing, costumes and alien tendrils, there should’ve been a huge trophy presented to the winner. How do you know you’ve won something unless you get a crazy, horrific, worthless trophy in the shape of The Voice hand-with-microphone? The first thing that should go through your head after wining is, “Holy crap! I won!” The second is, “Where am I going to put this awful thing?”

In all honesty though, a huge congrats to Javier Colon. I honestly believe he has won the toughest singing competition ever. His duet with Stevie Nicks was epic. Dia Frampton is a stunning, unbelievable star too. My heartfelt congrats to them both! Until next season…

Wanna hear the real fake real fake real bigfoot roar?Join Bobo and his friends every Sunday. It’s hilarious.

If you haven’t met Martha yet, this is a great opportunity to introduce your children to this clever and well-spoken canine. This week will feature new episodes of Martha enjoying outdoor activities like camping, canoeing and watching fireworks with her friends. We got to see Martha’s Slumber Party of the Weird and The Long Rotten Summer/The Case of the Shattered Vase. In addition to the entertaining stories and great vocabulary words, kids also learn why they shouldn’t watch scary movies right before going to bed. (A lesson I should revisit myself.) Look at those cuties playing with their new plush Martha pups!

Summer Fun Week:
Monday, June 27th – Martha’s Slumber Party of the Weird (2 parts)
Tuesday, June 28th – Martha puts Out the Lights (2 parts)
Wednesday, June 29th – Escape from Flea Island/ No Dogs Allowed
Thursday, June 30th – Martha in the Hold/Get Along, Little Doggies!
Friday, July1st – The Long Rotten Summer/The Case of the Shattered Vase

Click, click, click:
- Don’t forget to visit Martha Speaks online for terrific games. My son’s new favorite? Make The Band. It’s hilarious!
- Watch my son’s impromptu interview about why he loves Martha Speaks.
- Martha has gone mobile! You can download Martha Speaks Dog Party App.

Disclaimer: PBS did supply me with a DVD of the new episodes and 10 swag bags. My opinions are my own. If I didn’t personally love this talkative pup, I wouldn’t write about it. Promise.

At the table next to me, I overheard a teenage boy tell him mom that a group of girls were playing with his inner-tube. First, as moms we all know toys at the pool are community property. That’s the law. Second, the boy was 13-15 and the girls playing with inner-tube were 6-years-old. I know this because they’re my son’s friends. Sweet, innocent and young girls. The floatie was abandoned in the pool and they started playing with it. These things happen.

My head was on a swivel as soon as I heard the mother tell her son in a very unkind tone, “Well, that’s your toy, so go get it! What are you standing there for?! Go get your toy.”

The boy wasn’t feeling comfortable with her response and you could tell he wished he hadn’t said anything about it. He said, “No, mom. You know. It’s okay. They’re having fun and I’m going to sit with you for a while and take a break.”

The mom retorted, “No, you’re not. Go get your butt in the pool and tell those girls that’s your toy. Do it! Come get me if they give you any crap.”

A mom (who happens to be a bully) was bullying her son (who was trying to be nice) into being a bully. Omg. There are so many things wrong with this on so many levels, I can’t even address it all. My head was spinning. I couldn’t even believe it. Yeah, watch out for 6-year-old girls giving a teen boy “crap” about an inner-tube. I’m sure they would’ve pounced on him and screamed “NO WAY!” at the top of their lungs. Classic pathetic motherhood moment. I wanted to reach out and slap that woman. I wanted to shake her and yell, “Do you even realize what you’re doing? Why do people like you procreate?” Yes, she made me want to be a bully. I get the irony.

Why wouldn’t she offer to assist her son and help him initiate the conversation with the girls? He was obviously feeling bad about ruining the fun. Instead of mediating and helping him grow, she just bullied him and bullied him. She wasn’t nice or sensitive or caring in any way, shape or form. She was a jerk and she was trying to force her son to be one too. Oh, and here’s her memo from me, MommyQ:

I really wish she had looked at my reaction to her during the ordeal, because I was saving up a super-duper eye roll/disapproving scowl for her. My brows were poised in the ultimate furrow position. She would’ve probably said something rude to me and I would’ve happily told her to bite me. It would’ve been a spectacular, “Jersey-Shore-Real-Housewives-table-tossing-hair-pulling” moment. Sadly, it didn’t happen. And sadly, that poor boy knows the example she is setting is wrong, yet his smart choices go unnoticed. Sad for everyone.

Let’s kick bullying to the curb, people. Learn more at StopBullying.gov.

“Sometimes being a leader is tougher than winning.” That’s a pretty important lesson for children to understand. Thanks to Walmart and P&G bringing back Family Movie Night, the made-for-TV movie, “Field of Vision,’ will bring that message home. The movie boasts a star-studded cast like Faith Ford (Murphy Brown) and tackles serious issues like bullying. It will air tonight (June 11th) on NBC at 8pm ET/ 7pm CT.

I was lucky enough to attend a behind-the-scenes movie event as a guest of Walmart and P&G a few years ago and after speaking with the producers, writers and actors, their passion for family-friendly entertainment was evident. Family Movie Night films like “Field of Vision” address topics relevant to all families in an attempt to provide not only a fun experience for the viewers, but an opportunity for parents to start a dialogue with their kids about these issues. As the mom of two young boys who, I appreciate their dedication.

Here’s a synopsis of the movie:

Through mysterious footage captured on an old malfunctioning video camera, Sinclair High School’s star quarterback, Tyler McFarland, learns that some of his teammates have been bullying Cory Walker, a troubled new transfer student. Aware that sharing this information with the coach might get his friends kicked off the team and ultimately cost the school the state championship, Tyler must choose what’s more important: winning or doing what’s right.

As these events unfold, the camera also reveals more surprising footage to Tyler’s kid sister Lucy… She learns that Cory has a secret past, unknown even to him. Now Lucy must convince her mom (Faith Ford, Murphy Brown) and family that the camera’s revealing insight is not a product of her imagination as she enlists their help to find the answers Cory so desperately needs. It’s a compelling and intriguing story that shows both the challenges and rewards of doing the right thing even when it’s tough to do.

Tune in tonight on NBC and don’t be afraid to start a conversation!

Walmart and P&G did provide me with viewing materials, so I could participate in this Family Movie Night event. All of these opinions are my own.

Earlier last week, I got an email that instantly caught my attention. “New Studies Show PBS KIDS Martha Speaks Has Impressive Impact on Children’s Vocabulary.” I excitedly read the findings and wanted to share them with my readers. Now remember, I have no connection with PBS. This is just one mom’s sincere love for a smart, talkative, yellow cartoon dog.

My experience is a bit different from other parents, because my oldest son is autistic. At the age of 4-years-old, he was hardly talking and strangers couldn’t understand him at all. That’s why we get very giddy when he likes shows like Martha Speaks that actually make a big effort to help his development. Now this may not seem like a big deal to some of you, but here’s proof of how far he’s come. He’s 6-years-old now and just finished kindergarten. I asked him (totally on-the-fly), what he thinks about Martha Speaks. Get a load of this….

Study Results
Three recent independent studies highlight the impressive impact that Martha Speaks is having on young childrens’ vocabulary development, and its strength as an early-intervention tool across broadcast and online platforms. These studies not only measured the impact on children who viewed episodes of the show, but additionally saw a significant increase in vocabulary skills among children playing with the Martha Speaks Dog Party iPhone app.

A few notable takeaways from the studies include:
• On average, children who watched Martha Speaks had a significantly greater increase in vocabulary knowledge compared to children who did not watch the show.
• Martha Speaks is an effective tool in helping bridge the vocabulary gap between low-income children and their more affluent peers.
• Martha Speaks facilitates inexpensive language opportunities at home.
• Program-specific vocabulary knowledge translated into higher standardized vocabulary scores for urban boys and rural children living in low socioeconomic-status homes.
• Children 3-to-7 years-old who played with the Martha Speaks Dog Party app tested up to 31 percent higher in vocabulary.
• Children were able to retain the increased vocabulary, and showed even greater gains on targeted words weeks after the study ended.

These studies are now available on the PBS KIDS website.

“He looks like a little old man,” she laughed to her friend. It was a group of four grandmothers, looking at the newest addition to the grandma club – a plump new grandson. “We need to buy him a tiny cowboy hat,” one exclaimed excitedly. They all laughed and nodded in agreement. That baby needs a cowboy hat for sure, because it’s a unspoken law that every child in Texas owns one.

These grandmas were decked out in their coordinating gym attire, looking pretty darn awesome for being around 65-years-old. They were obviously good friends, laughing and gossiping and making plans for a lazy afternoon lunch.  One of these ladies had white hair styled in a cute shoulder-length cut and one was wearing her hair shorter and totally gray. The other two had big, puffy, blond hair.  (Again, Texas.)

I was instantly reminded of my own friends, 90% of them happen to be moms like me. We all have young kiddos, mostly under 7-years-old. Our group functions much the same. We laugh and gossip, but we make plans for a rushed lunch that has to happen before the end of the school day and after preschool drop-off. Instead of sharing pictures in person, we keep up with each through status updates, online photo albums and texts.

Watching those grandmothers, I realized something that seems impossible right now. One day, I will be one of those grandmas. I’ll be old with wrinkled hands, telltale sunspots, deep Crow’s feet and serious smile lines. My friends, who are vibrant, fit, flawless and healthy will be those grandmas too. Well, at least I won’t be alone, right?  Although even when I’m old and gray, I think I’ll see my friends as I see them today. They don’t look old to me now, so maybe they never will.

My hope would be this: When it’s my turn to be the grandma with the fluffy hair and the snazzy workout gear, and a gal in her late 30s sees me at the gym, I want her to think, “I hope I look that good when I’m really old.” I’d take that as a compliment every time.

Image: TheBerry

Last week, we decided to have a picnic at a local park with the kiddos.  As I was munching on my salad, I noticed some odd activity out of the corner of my eye. It was shirtless man doing Tai Chi moves right next to the playscape. He was enthusiastically practicing Shibashi postures, sunning his love handles in the process. I nudged my husband and as soon as he turned to see the guy squatting his way towards clarity, spreading his ying and yang,  my hubby was shocked. Why do this in front of little kids?

First of all, this park isn’t conducive to adults. It features a play area for small children, picnic tables and basketball courts. Shirtless exercising within inches of said children isn’t socially acceptable in this particular slice of surburbia. My husband’s shock quickly turned into anger as he continued to watch this guy do slow, repetitive movements as small kids ran by him playing and giggling.

After a few minutes of awkwardness, the routine stopped and we realized this guy was at the park with his kid. He called to his child who jumped off the slide and ran towards him. My husband felt better, because it made the guy seem like much less of a potential pervert. He was just a dad getting some exercise. Then again, we were still confused. Who does this?!?

I have nothing against people doing whatever they want in public. You wanna practice your yoga headstands? Fine. You want to do lunges and stretches? Super. But why oh why must you do this on the playground – like literally standing next to a swing? He could’ve easily kept his eye on his child and moved back a few feet to do the exact same thing. Plus, it wasn’t even hot that day. Why do it shirtless?

What’s up with this dude? Would this make you uneasy?

Image: thecolor.com

1. – I wish I liked glitter. Why? Because it is the most popular decorative element on the crafts my kids bring home from school. And due to my hatred for said glitter, those crafty creations always land in the trash.

2. – I wish I didn’t DVR so many shows, because I have like 39 hours of recorded shows that I NEVER have time to watch. Those shows hang over me like a dark cloud – a dark taunting cloud.

3. – I wish I had never heard the term “muffin top.” It was much easier to have them when I didn’t know what they were called. Naming them makes them real.

4. – I wish I exclaimed cooler phrases when I’m excited about something or mad. I say lame things likes, “Holy Moly” and “Are you kidding me?!’ and “Seriously!?!” I also use the words “dude” and “awesome” regularly.  After visiting my sister in Colorado, I’m thinking of swapping our “awesome” for “gnarly.”

5. – I wish I wasn’t addicted to fabric softener. I know it makes my clothes fall apart faster, it’s another heavy thing to buy at the grocery store (which I detest) and it prolongs an already horrible laundry experience. I can’t help it. Gain smells fantastic.

6. – I wish I didn’t have the uncanny ability to hear silent headlocks. I can hear them from a mile away. If my kids get really quiet while playing together, I know someone’s grumpy face is getting squished in the crook of someone’s tiny arm.

7. -  I wish I could open the pantry and/or the refrigerator and cleverly whip up an amazing meal with whatever I find. Let’s have instant oatmeal topped with spicy mustard a slice of cheese and  a jar of pimentos!

8. – I wish I didn’t think “that’s what she said” was a perfect addition to any statement. Michael Scott was right on the ball. That’s what she said.

9. – I wish kid’s movies were lame. I watch Despicable Me, Megamind and Wall-E with way too much interest. I am genuinely sad when the kids get bored and want to turn the movie off early. Once in a while, I finish watching the movie by myself after they go to bed.

10. – In thinking about wish #9, I’d like to wish for a bunch of my own minions. Cute little yellow critters who can help do the laundry, clean up cat puke, find missing socks, break up the silent headlocks, etc. I think every mom deserves at least 25 of them, as long as they’re very self sufficient, I’m assuming I don’t have to feed them. If so, I hope they like my oatmeal surprise (refer to wish #7).

Happy Mother’s Day to all of the fab mommies out there. May you get a box full of minions this year….

I was fixing dinner when I heard more screaming than normal. I knew nobody was hurt because it was high-pitched, happy yelling accompanied by laughter and shouts. Oddly, when I went to find all of the noise, I noticed it was coming from one location. But the location was moving — quickly!

My boys decided to go for a joyride on my oldest son’s Razor RipRider, which is his most favorite bike ever.  He does some seriously cool spinouts on that thing. Anyway, my youngest figured out how to climb on, stand on the back, lean forward and grip the handlebars. I’m not sure which one was dominating as the biggest daredevil, so I’ll give them both the title.

While little guy hung on for dear life, my older son managed to steer with perfect accuracy while totally hunched over. How did he do this? He didn’t hit the wall, the table, the cat, the counter, the fireplace, the couch, etc. Sadly, I’m probably the one screaming the loudest. They seemed totally fine with it all.

What’s the funniest daredevil trick your kiddos have done?

Image: DisneyXD

If you give a mom a microphone, she’ll ask for a stage to go with it. When you give her the stage, she’ll ask if it makes her butt look big. Worrying about her big butt will make her change outfits, so you’ll need to get her a glass of wine to calm her nerves…

What happens when you throw 15 moms together and give them a microphone? Well, they talk your ears off about motherhood, of course.  The good, the bad, the exhausted, the sedated. It’s a job rich in laughter, marinated in pee, sprinkled with sticky candy and sauteed in a mixture of smeared mascara, laundry detergent and breast milk. Yummy, right? Much like Gefilte fish, motherhood is a delicacy not intended for the faint of heart.

On April 30th, grab your hubby, your mom, your grandma, your girlfriends, your overweight cat, a box of Puffs and join us at a pre-Mother’s Day celebration, the “Listen To Your Mother Austin” show. In fact, you can read more about it in the Statesman’s Mama Drama blog.

All of the fab mamas, myself included, will read a short original essay about motherhood. After our first rehearsal, I was so amazed at each and every story. This is NOT a sappy, cliche, poetry reading involving tambourines, Birkenstocks, awkward pauses and weeping. The pieces are smart, sassy, creative, thought-provoking and highly entertaining – just like the moms who wrote them.

This year’s Austin cast includes: Kristin Armstrong, Kimberly Cockrill, Julie Coombes, Jenny Lawson, Cathy Hale (that’s me!), Kathryn Harrison, Diane LeBleu, Blythe Jewell, Krystin Crain Johnson, Esther Mizrachi Moritz, Elizabeth McGuire, Jennifer Newcomb Marine and Gigi Ross.  Show producers Wendi Aarons and Jennifer Sutton will emcee and read at the event as well. (If you aren’t following @WendiAarons on Twitter, you should be beaten with wet diapers. She’s a freakin’ riot.)

“Listen to Your Mother Austin” will be performed April 30 at 1 p.m. at the AT&T Executive Education and Conference Center, 1900 University Ave. Tickets are $14 and available online at http://www.eventbrite.com/event/1468976749. Proceeds from the event (after costs are covered) will be donated to Any Baby Can.

Imagine seeing one your favorite, most cherished family pictures on a hugely popular website like iVillage. Smiling faces on us, stoic looks on the kids, big brown eyes shining, cute little hands captured perfectly, beautiful surroundings, sunny days, happy hearts. I remember how the boys were running around barefoot and laughing and how cute, yet cheesy, they looked in their matching outfits. They even listened to all of my pleading prior to the photo shoot by diligently staying out of the dirt.

Now imagine the words “Signs of Autism” and “Real Moms Share” splashed across the top of that special picture.  That means one of those sweet, little, innocent faces is the real face of autism. That means it’s one of your kids, because that’s you smiling right above it. Would that change the way your feel about your child? Your family? Your dreams?

Read Real Moms Share the Earliest Signs of Autism on iVillage.

A few years ago, I’m not sure if I would’ve been excited to see this image. A few years ago, I’m not sure my family would’ve been excited to see this image. Maybe I wouldn’t have been so quick to share it on Facebook and Twitter, or text my husband about it or call my mom about it or blog about it.  A few years ago, we weren’t comfortable with autism. We were skeptical, scared, insecure and unnerved. Today, we know autism isn’t a dirty word at all, it’s simply a new way of looking at the world.

There’s something about autism that reminds me about the way people used to talk about cancer. They’d lower their voices and whisper, “she has cancer.” And the word “cancer” was hardly audible.  Obviously, autism is not killing our friends and family members, but people still whisper about it sometimes. Today, people shout about cancer from the rooftops and that’s exactly what they should be doing. Why? Because talking about something, especially when it’s bad, makes it real. Real things get noticed. Real things get funding. Real things get cured.

I tend to think discussing autism works the same way. Reading this post right now is the definition of “awareness,” a word that gets tossed around so much it’s watered down like a bad margarita on a hot summer day. But awareness is critically important. That’s why I force myself to discuss autism openly, honestly and nonchalantly, even when I don’t feel like it.  The old me would’ve NEVER done this. The mom me who has two beautiful boys and never wants them to be ashamed of autism, well, she’s a talker. She’s an advocate. She’s all about awareness.

Understanding the early signs of autism is so important. Even if you have fears your child might be autistic, doesn’t mean that’s actually the case. There are plenty of sensory, learning and speech delays that don’t warrant an autism diagnosis. Every story is different. And if you do get an autism diagnosis, welcome to the club. You don’t get an actual badge, but you if you did, I’m sure you’d wear it with pride.

Read more about living with autism in ‘Advocate Mommy‘ category of MommyQ.

Well, another NASCAR race under my belt as of Sunday. I think that makes the grand total six, not counting two trips to Vegas for Champion’s Week. The hubby & I headed to Dallas last weekend, where we got sit about 17 rows away from the racetrack. At Texas Motor Speedway, that experience will leave you breathless and covered in a thin film of rubber, debris and smoke. As you can see from the image below, the SPEED folks know how to throw a party at the track. , you crack me up.

My first NASCAR race happened in 2007, where I traveled to Watkins Glen for the race when I was about seven months pregnant. Not kidding! I wasn’t the only very pregnant girl there, but I was the only one who wasn’t smoking and drinking. Not kidding again. I wasn’t a fan of the sport at all at that time, but soon began to follow it after experiencing a race in person. It is absolutely something you MUST do once, even if you don’t like NASCAR at all. It’s the perfect combination of order and chaos. Since then, I’ve sat in VIP seats with hot passes, cold passes, pit passes, you name it. I’ve been behind the scenes, in the scenes, nowhere near the scenes, with credentials, without credentials and that being said, I’ve met 80% of the drivers.  I’m hooked.

I’ve done you a favor here, condensing a four hour race into a four minute experience. It’s the Samsung Mobile 500. Enjoy!

Let me tell you, as I was taking all of various video clips during my trip to the race, I knew it should have Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance” playing in the final cut. However; due to the potential for scary and costly copyright issues, I couldn’t do that. But it’s a fitting theme for my relationship with NASCAR. Why? Because of all of the crap and jokes my non-NASCAR fan friends like to dish out, which is about 99% of them. That’s why it’s a bad romance. I wish I didn’t like it, but I do. And I don’t see us splitting up any time soon. You know why? In addition to my feelings for NASCAR, I have two little boys who also love NASCAR. Hello COOLEST MOM EVER. At least until they’re teenagers.

Image: SpeedTV

You can tell a lot about your life by listening to the entertaining words that fly out of the mouth of your 3-year-old child. As you can tell from this amusing video, we like 24/7 NASCAR Talk on SIRIUS. In fact, during the racing season, my radio rarely changes from being dialed in to channel 128. That would be SIRIUS radio. What can I say? I like being a smarty pants. And let me assure you, my kiddos probably absorb more about NASCAR than I do. Here’s the proof:

We’ll be headed to Texas Motor Speedway and I’m so excited because it’s a night race. That’s a great thing in Texas, because you avoid the searing heat that’s pretty common this time of year. It doesn’t have to be super hot to roast yourself crispy. I’ve learned that the hard way!

Anyway, thanks to all of SIRIUS NASCAR radio folks who flood our heads with interesting factoids, stats and humor during the NASCAR season – Dave Moody, Angie Skinner, Mike Bagley, Pistol Pete, Rick Benjamin, Chocolate Myers, the lovely Claire B Lang, Dave Ross & Buddy Baker. Sorry if I’m forgetting anyone. You’re the best! I’m standing up!

Did you know the big, lovable guy who goes by name of Santa Claus actually has a mean side? Well, he does. According to my dad, that is. Yesterday, I heard a story from my father that I’ve never heard before. And that’s pretty unusual since he’s in his 70s and I’m in my late 30s. You’d think I’ve heard them all by now.

We were talking about dreams, because my youngest son is complaining about nightmares, when dad told me this hilarious story. When he was 6-years-old, he had his tonsils removed. He said as soon as he went under with  ether, he had a horrible nightmare about Santa Claus. Santa chased him, beat him up and threw him off a cliff onto a pile of sharp rocks.

Now that drea is slightly more interesting because my dad is Jewish. No, you don’t need to analyze him and send me a thesis paper about it. What’s crazy is many years later, when my dad was 15-years-old, he had his appendix removed. As soon as he went under the ether again, bad Santa was waiting for him. In fact, Santa said something like, “You’re back?” He said those are the only two times he’s ever had those dreams.

I’ve always been quite interested in dreams and have lots of books about dream interpretation on my bookshelf. I’ve talked about them with The Stir too! My sister and I have talked about dreams a lot and we actually have the exact SAME reoccurring dreams where we open our mouths to talk, and our teeth start spilling out.

My son actually laughed about the dream too and teased my dad about bad Santa. Of course, we reassured him (my son!) that was only a dream and Santa is actually a very nice guy. Hanukkah Harry, on the other hand, he’s a little bit mischievous. I guess my son already knows this because a few weeks ago he woke up complaining about a nightmare about dreidels! Go figure.

In honor of SXSW, the annual music, film and interactive conference in Austin, I’m gonna treat everyone to some balls. Okay, that sounds bad. I’m talking about the newest trend in baked goodness – Cake Balls and/or Cake Pops. It seems the cupcake may be tossed from its tiny throne and a sassy, smaller, chewier champion will be crowned.  Behold, the Cake Ball.

Even Starbucks is getting on the Cake Ball action as they recently introduced Cake Pops. They brag that this little chewy pop of yummy is under 200 calories too. Perfect for anyone with a sweet tooth who just wants a nosh.  So if you live in Austin, Texas, or you’re in town for SXSW, I urge you to stop by one of many hip trailers for a “Keeping it Weird” experience. And if you want a little cake orb, visit Holy Cacao.

My hubby surprised me with Cake Balls from this bakery for my B-Day. I must say, they were totally adorable. You’ve gotta keep ‘em refrigerated, so plan ahead. I don’t suggest eating one cold. And don’t expect a cake consistency when you bite into them. They’re much chewier like brownies. I was impressed with ‘s circular goodies and they’d be a HUGE hit at a kid’s party too. My boys went wacky for them. Cake on stick? Come on.

is a gourmet dessert trailer offering unusual items such as Cake Balls, as well as providing a true Austin experience.  The Cake Balls are available by the dozen and easily customized for special occasions.  Get a load of the names: Velvet Cake Balls (red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting), Brass Cake Balls (peanut butter cookies mixed with chunky peanut butter, then dipped in chocolate and topped with crushed peanuts), and my fave, Rabbit Cake Balls (carrot cake mixed with cream cheese, dipped in white chocolate and coated with crushed walnuts).

The Holy Cacao trailer is located at the iconic South Austin Trailer Park & Eatery, alongside Torchy’s Tacos (gourmet tacos) and Man Bites Dog (gourmet hot dogs). Eat on, SXSW friends. Eat on.

Images: Holy Cacao

If you’re  a new mom, you’ve thought about it. If you’ve had one, maybe you can relate this post. The topic is c-sections and it’s a good one. Why? Because it’s the perfect combination of extreme happiness mixed with a totally huge “gross” factor. I’ve had two, one emergency c-section in 2004 and a planned one in 2007.

A dear friend of mine, MommyB,  is expecting baby #2 and this time, she’s scheduled for a c-section.  A few weeks ago, she messaged me on Facebook, asking me for tips. She inspired me to write about the weird, scary, creepy and happy moments during my c-section experiences.

Take a look at my new post,  10 Things You Might Not Know (Or Want to Know) About a C-Section on Betty Confidential.

Did you have a similar experience? Do you remember any of the things I mentioned during yours? Geez, I hope so…

It’s been a busy weekend in the world of entertainment. Charlie Sheen’s insane ramblings and “duh, winning” continues to be among the most talked about topics, but I’m going to tackle a few other goodies instead. Danica Patrick, Jeff Gordon, Carl Edwards and Miley Cyrus. Odd combo? Yes, but I have my reasons. (See video at the end of this blog post if you must skip ahead for a laugh.)

Danica Dominates in Vegas
Things got interesting at Las Vegas Motor Speedway this weekend as Danica Patrick snagged her best finish EVER in the Nationwide race on Saturday, coming in 4th. A top five finish proves she’s in NASCAR because she’s a talented driver, not just because she’s a pretty face and a hot body that makes a gazillion dollars for her sponsors. (Yes, I’m talking to you, GoDaddy.) I’m so excited for Danica and I hope this will shush the naysayers, at least for a while.

Daddies Dominate in Vegas too…
Jeff Gordon raced to victory last week and Carl Edwards just snagged his first victory today in Vegas. Both drivers finally ended some rather lengthy losing streaks. I think this proves that just because you have sweet, innocent, adorable babies crawling, drooling at popping on your at home, doesn’t mean you’re a big old softy on the track. Last year, I asked Carl Edwards about whether or not fatherhood had changed him as a driver. He told me the answer was yes and no, which makes sense. He added that he was annoyed at people who think that would make him less of a driver. I think these two wins prove that diaper duty actually makes them better drivers.

Miley Cyrus on SNL Spells Redemption
If you didn’t catch Saturday Night Live last night, you missed a rather hilarious episode. Miley Cyrus was the guest hostess and I have to say, she was very cool about spoofing herself. I’m not a Miley fan, but I did respect her good sense of humor about… well, herself. SNL does a skit about Miley Cyrus having her own talk show and they totally rag on her. Miley was on that skit last night impersonating Justin Bieber. I thought it was super. Not that’s she’s laugh out loud funny, but it was definitely entertaining. Notice the way they spoof her dad… love that mullet!!! 

Images: Nascar.com & Hulu.com

The first visit to the dentist was going to be a breeze. I picked a wonderful new pediatric dentist office in our neighborhood. In fact, they visit elementary schools explaining the importance of good dental health to kids. I prepped my boys (3yo & 6yo) weeks prior to the visit about what would happen. “The lovely, nice dentist will look at your teeth to make sure they are healthy and white.” “Nothing to be worried about, boys.” “It’s easy-peasy stuff!”

We arrived on time and the boys were blown away by the awesome waiting area. TVs, toys, video games, a huge tree in the middle of the room, stuff animals all about. Heavenly! Again, my mommy self was totally upbeat. Not a trace of fear on my kiddos’ faces. I was almost ready to pat myself on the back when everything changed.

I heard crying off in the distance and saw a mom explaining to the woman at the check-in desk, “I can’t get her out of the car right now…” I saw that weak smile on that mom’s face and my blood pressure began to rise. Sure enough, her 6-year-old was sitting in the car – screaming – because she didn’t want to come in. Uh-oh.

Eventually the dad walked in carrying a screaming, crying, kicking little girl. My 6-year-old noticed her, but didn’t react. My 3-year-old instantly had a petrified look on his face and slowly began to hide himself behind a TV stand. I was ready to explode. I almost asked the parents to remove their child, because my children still believed dentists were “fun” and their bawling child was quickly destroying everything.

I quickly went over to my younger son and told him not to worry about the little girl. “Why is she sad, mama?” he tearfully asked me. “Because she’s very grumpy today,” I answered. “She’s fine. She’s just very very grumpy.” He seemed to understand that she was just grumpy and relaxed. “Why is she so grumpy?” he asked. “Because she wants a lollipop and her mommy said no,” I lied. My son nodded. He understood the sadness of not getting a lollipop. After coaxing from mom, dad, and two hygienists, the little girl finally left the waiting room. Evidently, she was there for a filling and didn’t want to drink the “happy juice” for sedation.

My boys ended up doing a great job. They both sat still for the hygienists and didn’t squirm too much. The hygienists were great about explaining all of the steps, so that helped a bunch. My boys didn’t like getting x-rays, but they cooperated and got the job done. They left with new toothbrushes, floss, toothpaste, stickers and a balloon. On the way out, my younger son said, “I wonder what happened to that grumpy girl, mama.” Oh, she’s taking a nap now. I think she’ll be just fine,” I said.

How was your first experience at the pediatric dentist?

Meet Memphis Lafferty, a sweet little boy who lost his arms and legs to bacterial meningitis. Are you scared? You should be. In fact, in America, meningitis is the leading infectious cause of death in early childhood. In the U.S., approximately one in 16 infants who contract meningitis will die from it, and of those who survive, as many as one in five will suffer from amputations, seizures, paralysis, hearing loss and learning disabilities.

What’s even more terrifying about meningitis is it can progress rapidly and kills someone in as little as four hours. My college roommate contracted meningitis (I’m not sure which kind) when we were in our 20s. She was in the hospital for days and fully recovered, although it left her immune system badly compromised and she was very weak and very thin. She said all she remembered about it was blinding pain in her neck, neck and shoulders. The pain was so severe, she didn’t even feel the spinal tap. So, how much do you know about it?

Learn more by reading the uplifting, touching – yet alarming – story about Memphis Lafferty on Betty Confidential. Find out why, unlike at least 15 other developed countries including the United Kingdom, Germany, France, Italy, Spain, Ireland, The Netherlands, Belgium, Iceland, Canada, Australia and New Zealand, the U.S. NOT vaccinate infants for the leading cause of preventable infant death.

Images: BettyConfidential

What happens when it’s 23 degrees outside and my son needs a homemade Valentine’s Day card box? MommyQ resorts to doing a craft project with her MacGyver skills. That’s right, folks! I made this card box with random stuff I found in the house, because I refuse to go out in this ridiculously frigid weather. It’s not perfect, but I’m nice & warm and didn’t have to spend a dime. It took me about 15 to make it and it was so easy!

Materials:

- Wooden puzzle box
- Wrapping paper
- Decorative tape
- Scotch tape
- Red ribbon
- Yellow craft paint
- Coupon book

I used an old puzzle box that was already painted yellow and blue. I covered the removable sliding  lid with black & white, polka dot wrapping paper. I used tape to adhere the paper to the lid, making sure to pull the tape tight at the ends. I don’t want to paper to start ripping when my son slides the lid open and closed. I found an old red ribbon, which I cut down to fit the box. I remembered my ultra-awesome role of Damask decorative tape from TapeSwell and used that to decorate the box. Wow, decorative tape is the BEST for stuff like this.

Keep in mind, this box is for a little boy to take to school, so I didn’t want it to be too girlie. However; I wanted to add something with hearts. My true Richard Dean moment occurred when I saw a coupon book sitting in our pile of mail. I flipped through it and just loved the Dunkin’ Donuts ad for heart-shaped donuts, so I cut out the pictures and used them as my hearts. Nothing says love like donuts, right?

Tell me about your ‘MacGyver’ moments as a mommy!

It goes without saying, choosing a name for your child can be a difficult task. My husband and I came up with a bunch of great names for our first child, who turned out to be a boy. But when we found out we were having another boy, chaos ensued. It took us eight months to come up with a name for him. (You can read about our baby name adventure in the article, “One-of-a-Kind Baby Names” in Pregnancy Today.)

Like many parents my age, we were slightly obsessed with finding the perfect unique baby name. In our effort to be different, sometimes we make big mistakes. Well, the list of baby names below may make you feel better about yourself. Take a look at actual baby names given to real kiddos living in the United States (according to the US Census):

-Uranus Stukey
-Ghoul Nipple
-Acne Fountain
-Lust T. Castle
-Mary A. Jerk
-Ima Whore
-Mutton Bucker
-Hugh Jass
-Fanny Whiffer
-Tackle Feigenbutz
-Envy Burger
-Bum Snoddy
-Mule E. McCart
-Lard Mooney
-Good Hell
-Emma Royd
-Noble Butt
-Monday Monday
-Naught E. Bishop
-Stud Duck

I’m sure you’re thinking, “Come on, MommyQ. You can’t be serious?” Oh, but I am. And on this note, I would like to add my two cents about an awful baby name, Brain. You see, whenever I mistype the name ‘Brian’ as ‘Brain’ I have a complete laughter meltdown. I’m sure there is a kid out there somewhere who is actually named Brain. And if people ever see his name written down on a list, they always assume it’s a typo and call him ‘Brian.’

“Okay, next up is Brain.”
“Oh no, that’s not his name, That must be a typo.”
“No, it says so right here B-R-A-I-N.”
“Yes, but NOBODY is named Brain, that should be Brian.”

Omg! I have no idea why that cracks me up, but it does. Every time. So, what’s the WORST baby name you’ve ever heard? (Yes, I’m still giggling right now about the Brain thing….)

Before I had children, I always thought “educational” was a nice was of saying “boring.” Now that I’m the mother of two rambunctious youngsters, I’m all about educational. Bring on the stuff that makes my kids brainy. What makes an educational show great? The fact that you might forget you’re actually learning, because your too entertained to think about it.

Today, the big hit in our home is Martha Speaks. This chatty pup (who resides on PBS) began talking after she ate a bowl of alphabet soup and instead of going to her stomach, the letters went to her brain. Now she “speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks.”

In addition to the television show, the online community for Martha Speaks is incredible fun for my kids. In fact, the other day I heard them laughing and laughing. When I came in to see what all the fuss was about, I found them playing Martha games online. Oh my! They thought one game in particular, Stickerbook Mashup, was hilarious. They kept shrinking the characters and putting them in the soup bowl. If this video isn’t a great testament to educational shows, I’m not sure what is…

I’m so excited they both love this show, because it’s a great learning tool. It’s also perfect for my older son who happens to be autistic, because it really focuses on the importance of talking, expressing feelings and sharing thoughts. Now instead of encouraging him to “use his words,” I tell him to “use your words like Martha does.”  He likes that! In many ways, my son is like Martha. His language has improved so much over the years, he speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks too!

More MommyQ: You can read my posts, Top 5 Reasons Kid Shows Make Me Wince or the less snarky one I wrote for Babble, 5 Kid Shows that Won’t Annoy You. What’s your fave kid’s show?

P.S. – Anyone else notice my son’s Adrian Peterson Minnesota Vikings jersey? Can you tell my hubby is an OU fan? And he obviously dressed the kiddos that day.

I hear myself saying things to my rambunctious children like, “Don’t leave your shoes in the middle of the floor,” and “Pick up your messes,” and often notice, I don’t do these things myself. It makes me wonder, are all parents hypocrites? When it comes to the little things, are we walking contradictions?

My hubby and I are good about the big stuff we preach to our kids, like no cussing. Once in a while we accidentally let an expletive fly in front of the kids, but it’s rare. When we tell them not to hit, scratch, bite, push or shove each other, we’re on track. We never handle situations in a physical nature. Well, I may have thrown a brush at my hubby 10 years ago, but we weren’t even engaged and certainly didn’t have children way back then. Plus, he may have deserved it. I wasn’t aiming right at him. I digress.

It’s the small things that make me think I’m a hypocrite:

Pick up your mess! – I’m always trying to get my children to put away their toys and pick up the little explosions of stuff around the house. Then I find myself walking through the door with my own ‘mess’ of stuff and it all lands on the kitchen counter. And it piles up higher and higher. No, I’m not great about putting my messy things away.

Don’t leave your shoes in the floor! – I can’t stand seeing shoes scattered all over the place. Then again, I’ll leave multiple pairs of my own shoes all over the house. They rarely make it upstairs into my closet either!

Don’t eat in front of the TV! – I encourage my kids to eat their meals at the table. But sometimes I want to relax and watch TV, so I’ll eat a sandwich or a meal on the sofa like a true-blooded couch potato.

Wear a coat! – In this ridiculously cold weather, my hubby and I are always nagging the kids to put on heavy winter coats. Then, he and I only wear sweaters and walk out without coats ourselves. Sorry, I can’t stand being too hot. Besides, I know I won’t freeze.

Try new foods? Oh yeah, this is a good one. We’re always trying to encourage my kids to discover new foods. I’ve even resorting to bribing them with dessert if they at least taste  a new dish. Uhm, I’m as stubborn as a mule when it comes to trying new foods. But I’m old, I’ve had my whole life to know exactly what foods I might like and which ones I can live without. Doesn’t wisdom make me less of a hypocrite?

What do you think? Are we all hypocrites when it comes to our day-to-day parenting ways? Is it okay to be a walking contradiction as long as our intentions are good? Do tell….

Image: NatalieDee.com

It was so much fun to meet anchor, Sally Hernandez, and be a guest on the KXAN News at Noon show today. Sally is a smart and sweet and funny gal. It was a great interview and I owe a lot of that her. She’s the mom of a youngster herself, so I think she really understands and appreciates the power of mom blogs.

I talked to Sally about my blog and then gave a few tips for moms who would like to start a blog. I mentioned getting your feet wet on large blogging communities like Blogher and Yahoo!Shine. These are my two favorites online communities and I actually post on both of them. The larger blogs I write for, Babble and BettyConfidential, also use Yahoo!Shine to promote their blog posts. It has a tremendous reach due to the sheer amount of readers.

As I mentioned in the interview, there are many Do’s and Don’ts when it comes to blogging. Here are my top three:

DO

1 – Identify the goals of your blog. Take some time to think about what you want your blog to accomplish. Are you writing it so family members who don’t live nearby can keep up? Are you going to use your blog as a stepping stone into a writing career? Are you wanting to make money with it? There are lots of great reasons, and figuring out what they are will help you create your blog in a way that best fits your goals.

2 – Share! Share! Share! When you do start blogging, share your posts on social media sites. That’s exactly why they exist. Use Facebook, Twitter, StumbleUpon, LinkedIn or any of your favorites to share your posts. This is what you need to do to engage with your readers and start conversations. My friends & family are my biggest fans, so I encourage you to bombard them constantly.

3 – Write about stuff you like. Yeah, that seems pretty obvious, but it’s true. If your write about topics you like, in additional to your fabulous kiddos, you’re more likely to keep writing. Let’s face it, you can only write about picky eaters and colds and diaper fiascoes to a degree. Pepper in the things you love and your passion will shine through in your writing.

DON’T

1 – Too much information! Be careful about the amount of info your share in your blog. As mom bloggers, we’re always chatting about our kids. That doesn’t mean you should list their full names, where they attend school or daycare, etc. It’s possible to tell compelling and true stories without giving every little detail. Protect yourself and your children.

2 – Never blog angry. The rush of having your own slice of the Internet can be intoxicating, but don’t abandon all of your manners as a result. (And speaking of intoxicating, don’t blog drunk either.) If you have a bad experience somewhere or buy a product you don’t like, don’t go off about it in your blog. That stuff will come back to haunt you. If you read a post and your gut instinct tells you not to publish it, listen to your gut. Better safe than sorry.

3 – Embrace negative feedback. - Don’t spend time worrying about how your posts will be received. You WILL GET negative feedback and some of it won’t be pretty. Take it for what’s it worth and don’t get discouraged. If you have the freedom to voice your option, other people are entitled to do the same thing. That’s the beauty of this highly interactive world we live in!

Plus, learn more about BlogathonATX: Part Deux and find out why you should’ve already bought your ticket. Shame on you!

Kids do funny things. This is nothing new. But when it’s YOUR kid, it becomes even more hilarious. My 3-year-old son scratched his head at school last week and immediately requested a Band-Aid. You know how little kiddos love their Band-Aids. Anyway, that was almost a week ago and he refuses to take it off.

He doesn’t get to watch Mr. Squarepants because I’m not a big fan of the humor for a 3-year-old. But he has gotten a peak, so he knows that SpongeBob is a cartoon. My son also LOVES the color yellow. If he sees anything yellow, he wants it.

So guess what happens when my son got this bright, yellow, SpongeBob Band-Aid? He fell in love. He refuses to take it off. (It’s also stuck to his eyebrow, so I’m guessing that will be a tad painful to remove.) Now it has become part of his wardrobe and we keep picking outfits that coordinate with his new BFF, his bandage.

He has given us compelling reasons for keeping the Band-Aid:

“My SpongeBob Band-Aid is my friend.”

“This yellow keeps my head warm.”

“But it’s my friend on my head, mommy. I need it!”

You can see the video below to hear him vow to keep it on “forever & ever & ever” and I happen to believe him. He’s quite tenacious.

As a mom, does your world come to a screeching halt when the flu or a cold hits? Mine does. Wouldn’t it be great to prevent all of the sad, sick little coughs and fevers and runny noses in 2011?

My friends at Genesis Today helped me kick off 2011 with an amazing care package  including 2 packs of Acai Chews, 2 packs of Vitamin C Chews, 1 Veggie Blast and 1 Cranberry Goji.  I must admit, my kids and I are hooked on the super chews. I have to limit how many my youngest son can have per day because he LOVES them. The flavors are seriously strong, but also very tasty. I wasn’t sure about chewy supplements, but they are actually really great. Much better than swallowing smelly horse pills! Another reason I really like Genesis Today products is you can find them at Walmart. No fancy-schmancy shops necessary.

Below you will find a video of Dr. Lindsey Duncan, the founder of Genesis Today, was interviewed on Fox and Friends, talking about the cold and flu season. Take a look!

Here are some of Dr. Duncan’s tips to help support a healthy immune system when you need it most:

Wash Your Hands – No explanation needed. Just do it. Often!

Zinc - Zinc is an important mineral that supports immune health. Zinc taken before the first signs of a cold or flu may reduce your chances of getting stuck inside with the sniffles. Pumpkin seeds are one of the richest sources of zinc, but one of the best ways to get your zinc is through a health chew that contains this mineral.

Echinacea - Echinacea purpurea may be a mouthful, but this powerful herb can help reduce your risk of catching a cold or flu when taken regularly during cold and flu season. Try taking echinacea for a few weeks then taking a week off and starting it back up again. Add vitamin C and zinc to the mix and you’ll have a triple threat against colds and flu.

Vitamin C - Vitamin C is a potent antioxidant that helps your body fight free radicals and helps support a healthy immune system. Stock up on some delicious vitamin C chews. Vitamin C chews and superfruit juices that contain vitamin C are a great way to get this cold-fighting antioxidant. A nutrient-rich O.J. that’s packed with vitamin C is another great source.Goji berries are also rich in vitamin C.

B-vitamins – Boost your intake of B-complex vitamins. These vitamins not only help reduce stress which can wreak havoc on your immune system, B-vitamins actually support healthy immune function.Vitamin B1 (thiamine) enhances your body’s immune response and vitamin B5 (pantothenic acid) helps your body build antibodies to fight infection. So, load up on vitamin B rich juices and supplements.

Steam - Take a steamy shower, or hold your head above a steaming pot of water to relieve congestion. Steam is soothing and helps open up blocked sinuses so you can breathe a little easier. If you want to make the steam even more therapeutic: add a little eucalyptus or tea tree oil to a boiling pot of water and breathe in every 1-2 minutes for about 10 minutes. The essential oils combined with the steam will help your body discharge all the mucous, in your nose, lungs and throat. You’ll be amazed at what comes out of you.

Garlic - The Italians may be on to something. Garlic is naturally antiviral and contains a potent compound called allicin. Garlic helps fight viruses by destroying the virus cells before it enters your body. So if you want to fight a cold or flu, load up on garlic. Raw garlic is best, but cooked garlic has less of an offensive odor if you consume a lot of it.

Oil of Oregano - Oil of oregano contains carvacrol and thymol that are active polyphenols which attack viruses like the cold and flu. Before a cold hits, or at the first onset of a cold, take a few drops of oil of oregano on your tongue and hold it in your mouth for thirty seconds – it’s strong but works well. If the taste of taking it straight on your tongue is too much for you, you can put a few drops of oil of oregano in water and drink 3 times a day which will help support your immune system and pack a powerful punch against colds and flu.

Stay healthy, friends!

On the heels of my serious posts about great gift ideas (for boys and for her), comes this post about bad ones. I think we’ve all seen commercials for some of the these products and thought, “Seriously!?!” Like I get the idea, but it just doesn’t hit the mark. From Booty Pop to Bango Hair to the most horrific X-Mas sweaters ever, I truly hope none of these items are under your tree:

#1 – Booty Pop
Nothing says classy like a push up bra for your butt. I double-dog-dare someone to give these as a gift this year. I can see it being the gag gift of the century, but that’s about it. I bought a pair for my Kim Kardashian costume, because I needed more junk in the trunk, but the padding is totally wrong. It’s an absurd concept, even for a gag gift. Three cheers for pancake butts and Booty Pop!

#2 – Pajama Jeans
Omg! How insane are these faux jeans meets faux pants? It is really that much of a struggle to fit into normal jeans. Maybe if your jeans are two sizes too small. If you buy regular jeans in the correct size, the buttons seems to work. Also, what’s with the pocket placement? In some of the pics, they look like ‘mom jeans’ with high small pockets. No, no, no. The secret to a good butt is bigger pockets that sit lower on your butt. I can see them working if you’re pregnant or just had a baby. Lord knows anything comfy without zippers is heavenly. Aside from that, these jeans say, “I’ve given up on life.” Yeah, that’s sexy.

#3 – Shake Weights
I really can’t say anything about this product, because this is a G-rated website. My thoughts are best described by this hilarious parody Saturday Night Live did about them. And my thoughts about the Shake Weights for men is exactly the same. Ditto.

#4 – Bango Hair
I’ve had bangs for most of my life and I seriously doubt this product works. I can see how it might rip your bangs out of your head evenly, but that’s about it. “More bangs for less bucks.” What does that even mean? Most salons do a FREE bang trim. I had no idea bangs were so costly. What in the world? Do yourself a big favor and buy a pair of scissors. Scary!

# 5 – Ugly Christmas Sweaters
My favorite bad gift is an easy one – the ugly Christmas sweater. Sadly, me and my friends wore sweaters like this in middle school. <Sigh!> It’s refreshing to see people who understand the beauty of the ugly X-Mas sweater like the STL_Vintage store on eBay. Oh, behold the hilarity of the male model and the hideous sweaters.  They call this one the Cute Teddy Bear Varicose Vein Sweater. The ultimate bad gift. Thanks for the holiday chuckle, guys.

Top Image: STL_Vintage on eBay

This post is dedicated to the weirdos who put costumes on their cars. Thank you for the chuckles. I would never put one on my car, but it really is funny to see them on the road. I was stuck in traffic yesterday, and an older distinguished guy next to me had antlers and a red nose on his 2010 Range Rover. It’s the equivalent of trying to look hip with car Elmo seats in the back seat.  Not really gonna happen…

If you want this festive costume, you can grab one here. You can also dress your car up like a bat. If your car gets a boo boo, slap on a huge Bandaid. Thanks to the bozo who rear-ended us on I-35, we actually need a few of those for my hubby’s SUV.  As Spring approaches, you can do the bunny thing for your car with floppy ears and a pink nose. And for the hunter in your life, how about a pair of deer antlers for your truck. Now that’s classy!

Do you dress up your car for the holidays? If so, why did you start doing it and what kind of response do you get from passersby?

It’s a trio of reality show beauties! Some of your favorite reality stars dish about keeping fit and motherhood in the January issue of REDBOOK, which hits stands on December 21, 2010. My favorite Top Chef judge and hostess, Padma, talks about how she gains 10 pounds during every season of Top Chef. I always wondered if they even ate enough to pack on a little extra poundage. I guess all of those tastings add up!

Bethenny talks about turning 40 and wanting to have another baby. She also discusses how she feels about leaving the Real Housewives of New York City. She seems pretty happy to put all of that Big Apple nonsense behind her. And if you’ve ever cried watching Biggest Loser, you’ll recognize hostess Allison Sweeney, who is also on the cover of REDBOOK.

Here are a few highlights:

Bethenny Frankel

On turning 40: “I would love to have a second child, and it’s not something I have time to wait for. You really experience your biological clock if you’re my age.”

On staying fit: “You shouldn’t dread working out. Exercise is like an old friend: You may not be able to see that friend all the time, but you’re not mad when you see them, you’re happy, and you get right back into it. I do yoga at night with my husband [after] we put the baby down. I say, a family that namastes together stays together.”

On leaving the Real Housewives of New York City: “I’m completely done with women being rewarded for bad behavior. I’m happy, and I love my life. . . It was fun the first season. Then it got not fun, and then it got scary and unhealthy and disgusting.”

Padma Lakshmi

Her biggest surprise about her body post-baby: “That I liked myself at a bigger size. I wanted to lose the weight, but I thought I was doing something more important than tending to my vanity. You look at your body totally differently. It created this life and brought it into the world.”

Alison Sweeney

Her best Biggest Loser weight-loss tip: “I was a really conscientious eater during the day, but then at night I found myself snacking on the worst stuff. [Biggest Loser trainer] Jillian Michaels said I was just tired and craving energy; my body needed more fuel to stay awake. So now, when I crave sugar at night, I go to bed.”

Images: Giles Bensimon for REDBOOK

Like most moms, I’m in a constant battle with my kiddos to make sure they follow a healthy diet. Both of my children are picky eaters, so getting enough vitamins and nutrients in their diet isn’t easy. I’m not sure how much B12 exists in chicken nuggets, but I’m guessing it isn’t much. Ha! Luckily, my kids love fruit and drinks lots of orange juice. Seriously, like a gallon of orange juice a week!

A few weeks ago, the fine folks at Genesis Today sent me a bunch of juices to try. I got Coconut Boost, Acai Berry Boost and my new fave, Omega Orange Juice.  I knew all about the benefits of these superfruits – they’re packed with nutrients, including vitamins, minerals, essential fats and especially antioxidants that combat free radicals in the body.

My concern about these juices was the taste. Would I really want to drink them and more importantly, would my kids like them? Would these juices pass the sniff test? I was totally impressed with all three drinks, my favorite being the new Omega Orange Juice. The Acai Berry Boost was surprisingly tasty too. My least favorite was the Coconut, but I’m not a big fan of coconut in the first place. A few of my friends swear by the Coconut Boost, so I’m assuming if you like coconut, it’s really good.

The best part is my youngest son who is an OJ fanatic, loves the Omega Orange Juice. He thinks it’s great and calls it the “really good juice.” I was really excited to see the Omega OJ has less calories and more vitamins than the OJ we usually buy. It gets an A++ from my family. See for yourself!

I’m so excited to see Nancy Travis visit Wisteria Lane as Keith’s outspoken mother on Desperate Housewives this season. I’ve always thought she was a talented actress and quite funny too!  From movies like “Three Men and a Baby” to sitcoms like “The Bill Engvall Show,” Nancy brings us lovable, memorable characters. This summer, I had a chance to sit down and talk with Nancy in person, while she was filming her new movie, “A Walk in My Shoes” in Portland, Oregon. “A Walk in My Shoes” is part of a combined effort by Walmart and P&G to bring back family movie night entertainment. Both companies treated me and other fabulous mom bloggers to a unique behind-the-scenes movie experience.

Nancy was funny, personable, sincere and totally grounded. For someone who has been acting since high school and even married former President of Savoy Pictures, Robert N. Fried in 1994, she shows no signs of being affected by the Hollywood scene. We discussed why she took the role in this made-for-TV movie, how she balances being a mom and an actress, how being a mom has impacted her acting and she listed some of her favorite actresses.

Why she liked this role: The role Nancy plays in “A Walk in in My Shoes” is a stressed-out high school teacher, Trish. Nancy’s character can’t understand her students’ lack of effort in the classroom and why their parents don’t seem to care. Without giving away the whole movie, let’s just say a little bit of magic happens, giving Trish the chance to take a walk in one of the mom’s shoes and experience a new perspective. Nancy said she wanted to work on this movie because she was happy to work on a project that not only brought family-friendly programming to television, but addressed special life lessons.

Life as an actress and a mommy: Nancy spoke about her life as a mom and working actress. She said of a work/life balance, “You can have it all, but not at the same time. You have to figure out your priorities to make it all work.” She said motherhood has helped her become a better actress because, “every part of acting is drawing on your life experiences.” Nancy said she’s very picky about the roles she accepts because she must always take her family and community into consideration. “Nothing shameful or embarrassing,” she smiled.

Thoughts about the biz: When I asked her how she’d feel if her children wanted to pursue acting she said, “They should if they come by it naturally and decide they want to do it by themselves. Then I’ll support them as best as I can. It’s tricky as a parent, because for a child, there’s a lot happening in the business they aren’t ready to fully understand.”

Which actresses inspire Nancy? She named Helen Mirren, Cate Blanchett, Bonnie Bedelia and Vivien Leigh. In fact, Nancy laughed and said of Leigh, “I wanted to be Scarlett!”

You can see “A Walk in My Shoes’ on Friday, December 3rd at 8/7C on NBC. The movie will also feature a soundtrack produced by music mogul Randy Jackson that will be available at Walmart starting December 4, 2010. For more information visit the website!

Formaldehyde rumors won’t kill my hair buzz. Is the Brazilian Blowout my new BFF? Uhm, yes! My friend and wardrobe stylist, Lisa Kennedy of Kennedy Style, was extremely confident about the power of the Brazilian Blowout. Me being the frizzy-haired skeptic that I am, told her I would “believe it when I see it” as I sat in her salon chair. With flat iron in hand, she laughed and shook her head. And I must admit, she was RIGHT. These are pictures of me and notice the totally sleek, straight hair. Wow!

I’ve heard my friends refer to the Brazilian Blowout as a “life changing” event. Obviously, this is really only true for those us that have naturally curly hair. Mine? It looks like a sad 80s perm – kinky, frizzy, BAD. I’ve had some of the best hair stylists in town try to fix my hair using my natural curls and by the end of it, they all agree I should wear my hair straight.

Why all the fuzz about the Brazilian Blowout? This is how Lisa describes it:

As a professional hair stylist, I have not seen anything like it. I think its revolutionary for the hair industry and will be around for a long time. I used to use smelly relaxers for people with curly hair and their hair would be dead straight. As soon as their hair started to grow it was obvious they had curly roots and straight mid-lengths and ends. With the Brazilian Blowout, you do get the ultra-straight result, but with the natural ‘fading’ back to your wave and curl over the 12 weeks to match your roots when it grows out. Think of it as a semi-permanent color that gradually fades so you don’t get the harsh regrowth line.

The first time I washed and dried my hair at home, I instantly noticed the difference. My hair was slightly wavy while it was wet, but as soon as I started drying it, the waves were gone. For the first time in a gazillion years, I dried my hair with a small round brush and NOTHING else. NO FLAT IRON. Can you even imagine?!? I sure do love my Chi, but I love it even more when it’s not on! This hair treatment saves me so much time getting ready – I can’t even explain it. As a mom, that’s gold, Jerry. Gold!

Read more about the Brazilian Blowout on Lisa’s blog, including a post that addresses the new formaldehyde issue, which seems to be non-issue anyway. Duh! Ready to make an appointment? Give Lisa a call or email her. Tell her MommyQ sent you! She’ll think that’s funny.

I was blessed with two very healthy, very picky eaters. And I mean PICKY. Imagine facing mini food critics at every meal. It’s like Top Chef, but the judges are unpredictable toddlers who won’t even try your food if they don’t like how it looks. It’s too brown or too green or too chunky or too hot. Not even a nibble, folks.

I was in a restaurant last week and overheard a mom complaining to her friend about how much her toddler eats. “Oh, my! She eats everything I put on her plate. It’s just crazy!” She said that as though it were a bad thing! I was instantly jealous. Earlier today, a friend of mine mentioned on her Facebook status about putting in hours of work to cook a nice meal, only to have everyone (her children) NOT like it. I felt bad for her, but I was also relieved. It’s not just happening in my family. Thank goodness!

My children don’t eat/drink food you might consider kiddo favorites like:
- Milk
- Cereal
- Hotdogs and/or Corndogs
- Mac-N-Cheese
- Grilled cheese sandwiches
-Spaghetti
- Yogurt

Not to mention, my toddler won’t eat anything with “black” on it, which is pepper or spices or marks left by grilling. Do you know how hard it is to pick the “black” off of a piece of grilled chicken? Let me tell you, it’s hard. If he sees an oat that’s too big in his oatmeal, he calls it a “grasshopper” and demands it be removed immediately. Same goes for pulp in orange juice. And no, he has never found a bug in his food. No mental insect-to-food trauma going on here.

What makes this all tough is I’m not a great cook in the first place. Sure, I can use a toaster and a blender and I know how to stir things together, but that’s the extent of my culinary skills. I don’t particularly enjoy cooking and when I go to the trouble of making something with actual ingredients and a recipe and they won’t eat it… Well, then I become an angry short order cook, preparing a bunch of mini-meals for each kid, plus the hubby. Nobody really likes “angry cooking mommy” anyway.  It’s not pretty.

I think back to my own childhood and recognize I was a picky eater and my father was a really picky eater when he was a kid. He claims he lived on cucumbers and potatoes until he was a teenager. Maybe it just runs in the family. I’ve seen a lot of books about pleasing picky eaters, but I’d like to hear it from my readers. How do you deal with feeding a tough crowd??? Keep on trying or throw in the dish towel?

I must weigh in on the jeggings phenomena, because it’s starting to bug me. The other day I was in a boutique when an annoying saleswomen with far too much Botox asked me if I had “experienced” jeggings. “They are ah-maze-ing,” she smiled. Really? Have I experienced them? It’s not like lobster chip ice cream or a trip to see the pyramids in Egypt. Experienced? Hmm.  Aren’t they just fancy leggings pretending to be jeans?

Sure, I like leggings and I like some styles of jeggings, but things are happening with the trend that are starting to bother me.  I’m seeing lots of jeans with elastic waistbands that look like maternity jeans, but they aren’t. Are jeans really so incredibly uncomfortable that we have to eliminate the snaps and zippers entirely? Will real denim jeans becomes a thing of the past, replaced by jeggings, stretchy faux denim and those crazy Kymaro jeans on TV that look like an SNL skit?

It makes me wonder if jeggings are for the fashion-forward who like a touch of comfort now and then, or do we all really dislike the feel of real denim on our bodies? Denim can be cumbersome and scratchy and yes, the whole waistband versus ‘muffin top’ issue is annoying. I have certain jeans I can only wear with certain shirts because the waist is either too high or too low or too loose or too tight. Is elastic the magic solution? I’m undecided right now, but if I start seeing men’s jeans with elastic waistbands, I’m going to be extremely worried.

Now I wonder if the saleswomen was excited about the actual jeggings or the idea that her muffin top will be forever vanished. Maybe it is an experience after all? What do you think?

It’s been a hectic few weeks, thanks to my extremely unattractive cough. I sounded like an 80-year-old woman who smokes two packs of Virginia Slims per day. No, I don’t smoke and I’m not 80 yet. The cough hit me out of nowhere and lingered. I knew it had to be bad if my husband told me to go to the doctor. Well, my kiddos were under the weather too, so I figured it was allergies. I ended up taking them to the pediatrician and we got antibiotics, so they were good to go. I woke up the very next day and felt like my lungs were full of fluid. The cough that seemed to be getting better got 10x worse overnight. I finally caved and took myself to the doctor.

As you know if you’ve taken your children to the doctor with you, it’s not fun. They think the visit is for them and I was trying to trick them by saying it was for me. When they finally realized I was telling the truth, they were cool. And then they were BORED. We were stuck in a tiny room with zero toys. It was 4:00 p.m. so they were tired. Not fun. The kiddos were wreaking havoc with two bouncy balls the nurse (who obviously doesn’t have young boys) gave them. They were bouncing them off the ceiling – literally. When the doctor asked me if I could stay longer for a chest x-ray, I came so close to declining. Then I thought, how much crazier can it get? She diagnosed me with bronchitis and a sinus infection. The next day, I got a call. They sent my x-rays to a radiologist who spotted pneumonia in my left lung. Whoopsy!

I’m feeling better, as you can tell by the fact that I’m actually sitting at a computer and writing semi-coherent thoughts. I’ve been knee-high in dirty clothes because if mommy doesn’t do the laundry, a magical fairy (called a maid) doesn’t show up and do it for me. Today I opened the dryer and removed a few shirts. I instantly noticed something sticky on them. Hmmm. Gum in the dryer! Collapsing on the floor into a pile of mucus and tears seemed like a great idea. I felt totally defeated and mortified. I grabbed some cleaner and started scrubbing. My husband appeared. I took my head out of the dryer to see he was holding a piece of paper. It had instructions for getting gum out of the dryer. Wet dryer sheets. Wet them, let them sit on the gum residue for about 20 minutes and it comes off like a charm.

To answer my own question, thanks to my hubby’s Google expertise, walking pneumonia is worse than gum in the dryer.

If you didn’t know, musician Katy Perry was booted from Sesame Street. Her segment was taped and it was going to air as part of the show’s 41 st season. She did a spoof of her ‘Hot ‘N Cold’ hit with Elmo. Thanks to a bunch of parents griping about her cleavage, her performance got yanked.

I’m personally so tired of parents acting like Oscar the Grouch about everything. Sure, as parents we have concerns about what our children see, especially on a television show catered to youngsters. But is this really necessary? It seems most of the negative buzz is about Katy’s dress and her cleavage. I’ve seen the video and the outfit in question. You can see it here.

I think Katy’s dress is just  fine and kids wouldn’t even notice her outfit.  I have two young boys and they wouldn’t care about her dress. They would be looking at her face and listening to her sing. If kids are noticing her cleavage, they are too old to be watching Sesame Street anyway. After all, women have boobs. What is she supposed to wear?  A turtle neck with a bulky cable knit sweater? A Big Love-inspired librarian frock? Come on, people. Why can’t Sesame Street have a little fun. I’m sure Katy’s outfit wouldn’t have caused a stir at all had she done the same thing on Yo Gabba Gabba!

And is it really Katy’s fault? I’m assuming a show as huge as Sesame Street has wardrobe professionals on hand. Why didn’t a wardrobe person question the dress? If it was at all questionable, wouldn’t someone have said something? I think so.  I hope Sesame Street offers Katy a sincere apology, because I think they’re guilty of bad manners here.

“Dad, tell the one about bonking that kid in the head with your toy train.” “Dad, tell the one about running from the neighborhood bullies.” “Honey, tell the one about passing out in the park.” That’s the way most of our family get-togethers end. Whether it’s sitting around the table with half-eaten pieces of birthday cake on car-themed paper plates scattered about or sipping coffee together, stuffed from a delicious Thanksgiving turkey, the best part of every family gathering is the laughter.

After the last bite of food has been taken and our rambunctious, young kiddos have retired to the playroom, the adults sit around the table and retell funny stories we’ve heard a million times.  Certain topics never seem to get old like my dad’s rebellious childhood or my husband’s PG-rated college adventures involving alcohol-related stupidity. My sister and I tend to tell the same stories from our childhood about goofy Barbie antics and high school shenanigans.

No matter what life hands us over the years, laughter always proves to be the best medicine in my family. It’s affordable, easy to find and doesn’t require planning.  As far as family traditions go, it’s a no brainer.

And what’s with “predictive” searches? Well, it seems this type of search shows you results before you finish typing. In other words, it’s psychic. Great. Now I have someone else telling me what I want. The kids, my husband and my laptop. Super.

I’m not sure why this Google Instant concept is so newsworthy because 2-5 seconds isn’t a big thing to me. If I didn’t have to type at all  – now that would be exciting. It would save my back from the pain of sitting, typing and slouching all day. I wouldn’t have to deal with sticky keyboard keys or pieces of cookies getting lodged under the cracks by the space bar or my missing Alt key. Why not ditch the keyboard all together, Google? Let’s go ahead and take it to the psychic level now. We know you’ve got the technology tucked away in a tin Sucrets box.

I guess you save precious time by not clicking the Enter key? Sure, pick on the poor soon-to-be obsolete Enter key by making it an outcast. I happen to like the Enter key because it does good things. I’m done. I hit Enter. I get closure. Without the Enter, there is no closure and you know how much humans need that. How do I know my search is over? Enter key. How do I know things are in motion? Enter key.

Maybe the next Google announcement will be about psychic searches and they will call it Google World Domination. I would totally read about that.

Dressing up little kids is so much fun, especially for sporting events. Unlike adults, they look really adorable in crazy, bright, bold wacky fan gear. Sorry, I just can’t get over grown men in football jerseys and burly biker dudes in Kasey Kahne shirts.

Anyway, in honor of the M&M’S Most Colorful Fans of NASCAR Contest, you have a chance to win a $250 Visa Gift card by simply picking your favorite kiddo outfit. Celebrate mini fandom and win. It’s that easy! Choose a yellow Kyle Busch outfit for a little girl, a red and white Tony Stewart option for little boys or the sporty Jeff Gordon ensemble for girls (pictured above).

I put together three cute outfits that you can see and if you vote for your favorite by leaving a comment, you have entered to win. Think about how much cool fan gear you can snag with a $250 gift card. Lots and lots. Hop over to Babble and cast your vote today!

I always thought I was cool enough to hang with everyone else, even people 10-15 years younger than me. Well, my coolness theory was busted wide open a few weeks ago when I saw a glossary of emoticons online. It’s not the animated emoticons, just the simple text ones you can make with parenthesis and symbols. You know, modern day hieroglyphics. I looked through it and realized I knew two of them, Smiley Face and Wink Face. Seriously? How sad is that?

Read my funny post on Babble, Emoticons for Dummies: Skip the Fail Face and Get Smiley Face!

My impending old age is no longer years and years away. Remember when you were a kid and 30 seemed like grandma status? Well, I’m on the verge of being 10 years older than grandma status.  Does that make me a great grandma? My sad emoticon fail made me wear a Fail Face :& in disgust. Maybe I should just trade in my BlackBerry for a pair of knitting needles and start wearing slippers around the house in 100 degree weather.

What has happened to you recently to make you think your cool days are over?

“I want Kyle Busch in a pink car in a pink suit.”

The Toyota Sponsifier “Kimmy” commercial will go down in history as one of the all-time BEST television commercials ever. You might have to be a NASCAR fan to truly appreciate it, but everyone should get a chuckle out of it regardless. What’s better than making the guitar-smashing “Rowdy” Busch wear a pink suit with kitties on his helmet? Well, how about Kyle actually driving that car in real life. Yes, that would be better.

“I love you…no write that on the spoiler.”

Rumor has it that Kyle will be running a special Z-Line / Toyota Sponsafier car in the NASCAR Nationwide race at Richmond International Raceway on Saturday, Sept 10th.  The racecar is nearly identical to the pink car featured in the commercial; covered in kittens, puppies, horses and yes, even the baby seal!

I will be watching and hoping for another record-breaking win. I just wanna see that car in victory lane. How sweet! BTW, you can special order the diecast here.

Last week, my oldest son (almost six) had his little brother (almost three) in a headlock. When I walked back into the room, he spotted me and quickly pretended it was a hug. He even added, “Awwwwe, you’re so sweet,” to the fake brotherly love fest to prove his innocence.

Yesterday during my trip to the grocery store, I was grabbing a few Luna Bars when I spotted four small fists punching at each other and swinging around wildly in the aisle.  There was kicking, pinching and yes, another headlock. It was like a cage match without the cage. I stared for a minute with a look of dismay on my face. Maybe someone else will claim them? No such luck. I stepped in and physically separated them.

My boys are entering the “you-annoy-me-and-take-my-toys-so-I’m-gonna-hit-you-until-you-stop-or-until-mom-walks-in-the-room” phase. I have to give them both credit, because they are equally good at provoking each other and most of the time they are both guilty when things reach a boiling point.

I guess we all went through it. I remember when my younger sister and I could hardly stand to be in the same room together. Of course that happened when we were teenagers, so it doesn’t really count. I did shove her once and she fell backwards down the stairs. She still likes to bring up that story today. What she fails to mention is we lived in a tri-level house, so the flight if stairs consisted of six steps. Needless to say, messing up her ponytail was the extent of her injuries.

At the end of the day, my boys still kiss and hug each other goodnight. 75% of the time, they play very well together and genuinely enjoy being pals. The other 25%…well, it’s not a warm & fuzzy. I try to be fair and keep things civil between, but sometimes I just have to let it play out a bit. I have a sneaking suspicion brotherly love is a bit more painful than sisterly love. Not sure. Just guessing.

I’m not a wine expert, although I am a “whine” expert. As the mom of two young kiddos, becoming a master sommelier is not really in the cards for me. I drink what tastes good and I have no idea how to pair anything with anything. In the evenings, I often find myself sipping a glass of wine and munching on kid’s food leftovers like Goldfish crackers or PB&J.

I wrote a post this morning on Babble’s Family Style blog about a terrific Wine Moms Series giveaway event. You can enter to win a free one-month shipment which includes lots of savvy wine goodies as well as the vino itself. (Enter to win here!) I made a joke about what wine to pair with peanut butter & jelly or Goldfish crackers, because that’s my sophistication level. That’s when I found a few awesome articles on Real Simple and other sites, so I just had to share:

7 Surprising Wine Pairings for Parents Who Eat Kid’s Food:

1.) Peanut butter & jelly – Argentine Torrontes

2.) Cheerios – Nigori Sake

3.) Goldfish crackers – Riesling

4.) Fruit leather – Rosé

5.) Classic Cheetos – Verdicchio Di Metallica

6.) Slim Jim – Lambrusco

7.) Cracker Jacks – 10 year or older St-Joseph Blanc

Ah, now this is information you can use. Do you have any pairing ideas to share with us? Please do! Thirsty, snacking moms need to know.

Image:RealSimple.com

The majority of parents have probably been in a similar situation as reality star and new mother, Kourtney Kardashian. As a new mommy, she is discovering how much swearing actually goes on in her life. Now she’s worried her baby’s first words will be bleeped out on national television. The biggest potty mouth culprits? Her sister Khloe and her baby daddy, Scott Dipstick Disick.

As a child, I was under strict orders never to use swear words. While I heard them occasionally – like when my dad got a paper cut, which was his biggest pet peeve in the universe – my family didn’t cuss. As I got older, I started peppering f-bombs into my personal conversations and I’ve since realized how hard it is to stop. My hubby and I agreed to cut the cussing down to a minimum when we found out we were pregnant for the first time. Now that my kiddos are bigger and closely relate to parrots, we really have to watch it. I’m still guilty, but we certainly try to limit the potty mouth.

I think it’s funny that Kourtney has taken this into consideration and wants to start censoring her family. She’s even asking for advice from readers on her blog. What’s great about this dilemma is it proves she’s thinking like a mommy. And that’s a good thing. My advice to Kourt would be “earmuffs” as we saw demonstrated in Old School.  A “swear jar” is way too obvious for that family. Maybe they should give Scott a shot of tequila for every cuss word and that way he’ll either succeed in making a huge buffoon of himself, which is always entertaining, or he’ll just pass out cold and we won’t have to hear and/or see him at all. Also a good option.

Image:iVillage.com