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For most families, birthday parties are a no-brainer. You get a cake, buy decorations, invite all of your family & friends and celebrate the big day. As the mother of a special needs child, birthdays are a slightly different reality. Why? Because that inherent excitement about birthdays most children seem to be born with often escapes the grasp of a special needs kiddo.

For example, my son who is ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) does not like loud noises. When a big group of people get together to sing “Happy Birthday,” it would upset him because it was too loud. Many autistic kids are also only comfortable in routine situations.  Since birthday parties are spontaneous types of events, they are hard to prepare for even if you go over all of the different expectations and aspects. (Obviously some non-special needs kids also have these types of reactions to birthday parties too.) It can be an overwhelming event, even if you only have a few family members around.

This is why I think the My Singing Birthday Cake from Ohio Art Company is such a cool toy. It’s ideal for a mildly autistic child because you can prepare for the party through pretend play. You can explain how the candles work, how the cake will be cut and shared. You can also practice the singing with the actual birthday song. I know it might seem silly to “practice” a birthday party, but this would have been a great tool for us to use when my son was smaller. I think it would’ve made him much more comfortable at the real thing.

You can find this cake at Amazon for $50! It was also mentioned on Droolicious.

If you’re reading this post with tears rolling down your cheeks because your pediatrician just told you your child needs speech therapy, go get a tissue and take a deep breath. You’ll be fine. If you’re reading this because you secretly fear your child is having developmental issues in regards to speech & language, keep on reading. I’m not an autism expert, nor am I a medical professional. I’m just a mom who has “been there and done that” when it comes to this topic.

My reason for writing this post is two-fold. First, it’s my way of honoring and promoting Autism Awareness Day. Second, I want to reassure parents that the delays your child might have are not your fault and you need to put your ego aside in order to what’s best for him or her.

Some parents are comfortable accepting the fact that their toddler isn’t reaching language milestones. Others would rather live in denial thinking their child is just a “late bloomer” and any day now it will all “click.”  Before my oldest was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, my husband and I did a little bit of both. We realized he wasn’t talking and interacting like he should, but at the same time he was our first child – we had no idea what to expect. We kept thinking he’d start talking more next month or next month or next month. If it wasn’t for one of his Mother’s Day Out teachers bringing his communication issues to our attention in a rather blunt way, I’m not sure what we would’ve done.

It’s hard to stay on point in this post because there is so much info to share. The point is if you think your toddler might need help talking, interacting with peers and communicating ideas, there’s nothing wrong with seeking help from a speech therapist. If the therapist evaluates your child and says all of his or her issues are totally within the norm, then you have nothing to worry about. If the therapist thinks your child does need help, start as soon as possible. The worst part about getting my son’s diagnosis was realizing he could have gotten help much sooner.

You want to help your toddler before he or she becomes a preschooler. You would much rather deal with speech issues prior to kindergarten. And there is no shame in having a child in therapy whether it’s speech therapy or OT therapy. You didn’t pass on a “stupid” gene to your child or do something wrong during pregnancy. Nobody blames you for having a child with speech delays. And it’s nothing to be embarrassed about either! Your pride should always take a backseat to your child’s ability to thrive. Always! People are much more understanding and accepting than you think. Trust me!

You can learn exactly how speech therapy helps by reading a few testimonials  from other parents here. Occupational therapy is also important for children with ASD and autism, although  many children without autism also require OT therapy to help them with gross and fine motor skills. If your toddler flops around on the floor a lot or walks on tip-toes or skips around a lot – I guess you could say if they don’t walk with purpose, he or she might need OT therapy as well.

It may seem like a big deal now, but a few months down the road, this will be a blip on the radar. Your child will start making progress quickly and before you know it, the strides foward will outweigh the milestones misses.

AMC Entertainment has teamed up with the Autism Society of America to bring families affected by autism and other disabilities a special viewing of “Hotel for Dogs.” Join us on Saturday, January 31st at 10:00 a.m. at AMC Barton Creek 14. The lights in the theater are brought up and the sounds is turned down. Viewer noise and movement is totally acceptable. Whew! You can even brings snacks for your kiddos on special diets. Learn more here.

I like to end my weeks on a positive note for my readers, but that’s not going to happen today. I just read an article about Isabel Loeffler, an eight-year-old autistic girl who spent three hours isolated in a glorified closet, a “time out” room, at school. Read the full story here.

There’s also this story about Jose Gabriel, a three-year-old autistic boy who was left alone on a school bus for more than six hours. He evidently rode the bus to school and was still sitting in the back of the bus when the school day ended – scared, weak and sweating – six hours later. The bus matron was supposed to look after him.

And then there was the heartbreaking story about Alex Barton. In May 2008, his teacher kicked him out of his class saying he was “voted out” by a 14-2 margin. Alex’s classmates also told him why they didn’t like him and his teacher thought that was appropriate.

As the parent of an autistic child I am not only outraged and disgusted by these events, but also deeply saddened. Any parent with an autistic child knows the severe emotional damage these types of events cause. Autistic children are already isolated enough. Putting them in “time out” rooms, neglecting them on the bus and voting them out is EVERY PARENT’S WORST NIGHTMARE. Any one of these things can set an autistic child back for a long long time, obliterating every tiny step forward.

If a perfectly normal high-functioning child were to endure one of these horrible situations, it would scare them, hurt them, emotional scar them, etc. And they understand the world around them. So imagine how much worse it is for a child who doesn’t understand the world around them. Who doesn’t know how to communicate. Who doesn’t know how to speak up. Not to mention these children are BABIES, especially the two boys under five. Who treats young children with such disrespect and cruelty? It is despicable.

We send our ‘distracted ducks’ to school, hoping the teachers and adults in their lives will reach out, understand, protect, embrace and help them. Build their confidence. Encourage their growth. Fuel their spirit. Instead some are emotionally abused, neglected, ostracized, belittled and shattered.

I feel extremely blessed to have outstanding teachers, therapists, relatives and friends in our lives who love my son as much as we do. To Isabel Loeffler, Jose Gabriel, Alex Barton and the parents who must endure and overcome difficult obstacles – I’m rooting for you all. I understand. And to the adults who use poor judgment and let us all down, how dare you.