http://www.mommyq.com MommyQ

For most families, birthday parties are a no-brainer. You get a cake, buy decorations, invite all of your family & friends and celebrate the big day. As the mother of a special needs child, birthdays are a slightly different reality. Why? Because that inherent excitement about birthdays most children seem to be born with often escapes the grasp of a special needs kiddo.

For example, my son who is ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) does not like loud noises. When a big group of people get together to sing “Happy Birthday,” it would upset him because it was too loud. Many autistic kids are also only comfortable in routine situations.  Since birthday parties are spontaneous types of events, they are hard to prepare for even if you go over all of the different expectations and aspects. (Obviously some non-special needs kids also have these types of reactions to birthday parties too.) It can be an overwhelming event, even if you only have a few family members around.

This is why I think the My Singing Birthday Cake from Ohio Art Company is such a cool toy. It’s ideal for a mildly autistic child because you can prepare for the party through pretend play. You can explain how the candles work, how the cake will be cut and shared. You can also practice the singing with the actual birthday song. I know it might seem silly to “practice” a birthday party, but this would have been a great tool for us to use when my son was smaller. I think it would’ve made him much more comfortable at the real thing.

You can find this cake at Amazon for $50! It was also mentioned on Droolicious.

MommyQ is about to reach an important milestone in her mommy life. It has been almost one year since I first blogged about my son’s autism diagnosis. My first post about his diagnosis, Autism Means My Son Is Happy When He’s Flappy, was probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever written. Yes, it was even harder than all of my college research papers and I was an English major, so there were plenty of those.

It is not just an important anniversary for me, but for my entire family. As for my son, he’s doing swimmingly. Literally! This summer he started taking private swimming lessons and it’s as if he was born to swim. His long, lean body glides through the water with grace and ease. His instructor is constantly amazed at his natural aptitude for it. We have to keep a very close eye on him because he thinks he can do anything in the water, which is good and bad. It will be exciting to see how well he does next summer.

His communication skills have improved so much over the past year. He asks for what he wants, identifies his feelings, interacts with others and asks about his surroundings. Thanks to my mother’s influence, he has exceptional manners too. He has fully mastered potty training with not even one accident! He and his little brother are the best of friends and play wonderfully together. He has developed a terrific sense of humor and can be quite the entertainer at times. We couldn’t be more proud.

While we are thankful for all of his accomplishments, living with autism is not easy. I still find myself wondering if he was born normal and a vaccine changed him forever.  I feel frustrated when I can’t understand him and I feel sad when I realize I may never see the world as he sees it. Thinking about the future and whether or not he’ll be fully independent one day, is too much to handle. The day a teacher, classmate or friend makes him feel inferior in any way haunts me. My brain reminds me, “One day at a time. Take it one day at a time.” My son’s smiling face and big hugs speak volumes. Tomorrow is a new day!

If you’d like to read my previous posts about autism, you can find the links below or just click on “Advocate Mommy” for all posts:

-Autism Rides Off Into The Sunset
-Swallow Your Pride: Get Your Toddler Speech Therapy

If you’re a MommyQ blog fan, you know I have a young child with autism (Autism Spectrum Disorder). As a result, my whole family is dedicated to promoting awareness. MommyQ’s lil sis, Ms. Chatterly, will be participating in the Walk Now for Autism event in Denver, CO.

She is currently gathering recruits to form the most elite walking group ever created, Team Wubbzy. Yes, that funny one-of-a-kind yellow marshmallow-shaped dude, also known as Wub-Z, is the guy who is gonna bring all of this together. Visit Team Wubbzy’s page to donate to this important organization.  We’re hoping to raise $250! Help us reach this goal.

If you’re reading this post with tears rolling down your cheeks because your pediatrician just told you your child needs speech therapy, go get a tissue and take a deep breath. You’ll be fine. If you’re reading this because you secretly fear your child is having developmental issues in regards to speech & language, keep on reading. I’m not an autism expert, nor am I a medical professional. I’m just a mom who has “been there and done that” when it comes to this topic.

My reason for writing this post is two-fold. First, it’s my way of honoring and promoting Autism Awareness Day. Second, I want to reassure parents that the delays your child might have are not your fault and you need to put your ego aside in order to what’s best for him or her.

Some parents are comfortable accepting the fact that their toddler isn’t reaching language milestones. Others would rather live in denial thinking their child is just a “late bloomer” and any day now it will all “click.”  Before my oldest was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, my husband and I did a little bit of both. We realized he wasn’t talking and interacting like he should, but at the same time he was our first child – we had no idea what to expect. We kept thinking he’d start talking more next month or next month or next month. If it wasn’t for one of his Mother’s Day Out teachers bringing his communication issues to our attention in a rather blunt way, I’m not sure what we would’ve done.

It’s hard to stay on point in this post because there is so much info to share. The point is if you think your toddler might need help talking, interacting with peers and communicating ideas, there’s nothing wrong with seeking help from a speech therapist. If the therapist evaluates your child and says all of his or her issues are totally within the norm, then you have nothing to worry about. If the therapist thinks your child does need help, start as soon as possible. The worst part about getting my son’s diagnosis was realizing he could have gotten help much sooner.

You want to help your toddler before he or she becomes a preschooler. You would much rather deal with speech issues prior to kindergarten. And there is no shame in having a child in therapy whether it’s speech therapy or OT therapy. You didn’t pass on a “stupid” gene to your child or do something wrong during pregnancy. Nobody blames you for having a child with speech delays. And it’s nothing to be embarrassed about either! Your pride should always take a backseat to your child’s ability to thrive. Always! People are much more understanding and accepting than you think. Trust me!

You can learn exactly how speech therapy helps by reading a few testimonials  from other parents here. Occupational therapy is also important for children with ASD and autism, although  many children without autism also require OT therapy to help them with gross and fine motor skills. If your toddler flops around on the floor a lot or walks on tip-toes or skips around a lot – I guess you could say if they don’t walk with purpose, he or she might need OT therapy as well.

It may seem like a big deal now, but a few months down the road, this will be a blip on the radar. Your child will start making progress quickly and before you know it, the strides foward will outweigh the milestones misses.

Last night my 4-year-old son rode a bike. It probably doesn’t sound like a huge accomplishment to most parents, but it was a pretty special moment for us.

This time last year my son wouldn’t touch a bike. He hated all moving things – swings, tricycles, scooters, wagons, etc. We just thought he was scared, but it turns out most kids with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) have balance problems resulting in motion aversions. It doesn’t feel right and they don’t fully understand what’s happening. Our OT therapist explained it to us as an uncomfortable feeling – like an itch you can’t scratch. ASD kids also have trouble with activities that require sequencing of little events like getting dressed, potty training or riding a bike.

My husband got home from work early yesterday, so we took the kiddos for a stroll. And a certain someone got to ride his bike. He can pedal and steer and stays on the road, although he thinks off-roading is much more fun. Watching him ride his shiny red Lightening McQueen bike (with training wheels that look like tires) and even steer it without any help, was kind of like watching autism pedal out of our lives.

Sure, he needed help from his daddy along the way when he would start going fast downhill and couldn’t quite figure out the brakes. From my perspective, he was just a normal kid riding his bike and were just a normal family enjoying a beautiful evening. These are the small triumphs that give us hope. We look forward to many more.

AMC Entertainment has teamed up with the Autism Society of America to bring families affected by autism and other disabilities a special viewing of “Hotel for Dogs.” Join us on Saturday, January 31st at 10:00 a.m. at AMC Barton Creek 14. The lights in the theater are brought up and the sounds is turned down. Viewer noise and movement is totally acceptable. Whew! You can even brings snacks for your kiddos on special diets. Learn more here.

As the mommy to a four-year-old with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), I’ve discovered many wonderful  mainstream toys that are both fun and therapeutic. Toys that improve language development, sensory and motor regulation, build core strength, muscle tone and coordination. Toys that spark my son’s inner drive, encouraging more engagement and child-lead interaction.

Here are five of MommyQ’s favorite toys, from $18 – $300. Most of them are eco-friendly, which I personally love. I’m not speaking as a medical expert here, just as a mom. If you’re the parent, relative or friend of an autistic child, maybe this list will make your holiday shopping a little bit easier. I hope so!

Wheely Bug – If you haven’t seen these cute little ride-on critters, you need to check them out. I bought the cow for my boys last month and my ASD son loves it! (Also available in bee and ladybug!) It really helps him with coordination and balance, while building his core. We he first started riding it, he was wobbly. Now he can lift his feet and maneuver it around every corner. It has helped him adjust to motion that had bothered him in the past. In my opinion, this is one of the best gifts for an ASD child. Make sure you buy the big Wheely Bug to get the most use out of it. Eco-friendly! $70

Breakfast Menu Set – These types of wooden toys are great for a variety of reasons. Many autistic children have issues with food due to textures. By incorporating pretend food into playtime, it seems to make real mealtime easier. You can ‘prepare’ the pretend food together and takes turns ‘tasting’ it. That way your child is more open to the idea of trying different foods. Manipulating smaller toys, like shaking the salt & pepper shakers, improves fine motor skills too. Plan Toys is a wonderful green company and makes a huge selection of incredible wooden toys. Eco-friendly! $18

LIKEaBIKE – This is a unique eco-friendly bike sans pedals! That’s because this bike was designed to boost your child’s confidence and comfort in riding a bike, while building their balance, core strength, etc. They start out slow, usually walking with it and then as they improve, they can go much faster. Obviously this is not great for hills or steep surfaces, but on flat streets, in the driveway or at the park, it’s a wonderful (and fun) toy. Our OT therapist has mentioned it multiple times. Eco-friendly! $300

Haba Ball Track Master Builder Set – Many autistic children love toys that spin and roll. My son does a variety of activities at OT therapy involving marbles, which is why I love this toy from Haba. Your child can build the track and then watch the marbles spin through it. This is the big set and Haba also makes a smaller set for $43. This toy is perfect for fine motor skill improvement and development. It also gets the imagination and interaction rolling. Eco-friendly! $200

Hopscotch Puzzle Mat – Another great toy for improving balance, motor skills, interaction and organizing thought processes is this cute Hopscotch mat by Alex. First you put it together like a puzzle, then you play the game. This gives you child a great opportunity to practice hopping on one foot and then jumping with two feet. It’s also a good game for ASD kids to play with their friends or siblings. $23

Read Ode to a Wheely Bug to see the cow in motion!

I like to end my weeks on a positive note for my readers, but that’s not going to happen today. I just read an article about Isabel Loeffler, an eight-year-old autistic girl who spent three hours isolated in a glorified closet, a “time out” room, at school. Read the full story here.

There’s also this story about Jose Gabriel, a three-year-old autistic boy who was left alone on a school bus for more than six hours. He evidently rode the bus to school and was still sitting in the back of the bus when the school day ended – scared, weak and sweating – six hours later. The bus matron was supposed to look after him.

And then there was the heartbreaking story about Alex Barton. In May 2008, his teacher kicked him out of his class saying he was “voted out” by a 14-2 margin. Alex’s classmates also told him why they didn’t like him and his teacher thought that was appropriate.

As the parent of an autistic child I am not only outraged and disgusted by these events, but also deeply saddened. Any parent with an autistic child knows the severe emotional damage these types of events cause. Autistic children are already isolated enough. Putting them in “time out” rooms, neglecting them on the bus and voting them out is EVERY PARENT’S WORST NIGHTMARE. Any one of these things can set an autistic child back for a long long time, obliterating every tiny step forward.

If a perfectly normal high-functioning child were to endure one of these horrible situations, it would scare them, hurt them, emotional scar them, etc. And they understand the world around them. So imagine how much worse it is for a child who doesn’t understand the world around them. Who doesn’t know how to communicate. Who doesn’t know how to speak up. Not to mention these children are BABIES, especially the two boys under five. Who treats young children with such disrespect and cruelty? It is despicable.

We send our ‘distracted ducks’ to school, hoping the teachers and adults in their lives will reach out, understand, protect, embrace and help them. Build their confidence. Encourage their growth. Fuel their spirit. Instead some are emotionally abused, neglected, ostracized, belittled and shattered.

I feel extremely blessed to have outstanding teachers, therapists, relatives and friends in our lives who love my son as much as we do. To Isabel Loeffler, Jose Gabriel, Alex Barton and the parents who must endure and overcome difficult obstacles – I’m rooting for you all. I understand. And to the adults who use poor judgment and let us all down, how dare you.